alexcmia Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Guys, I'm lonely. Extremely lonely, and I really don't know what to do about it. I want a friend, a girl friend, and generally just someone to chat with.hit me up on msn messenger alexcmia live.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeetPirate Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 You could probably hang out at malls or visit coffee shops in your area. :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jtmulc Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 You could probably hang out at malls or visit coffee shops in your area. :rolleyes:If you don't like coffee, Panera Bread has good food and free wi-fi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexcmia Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 Well yea, I could go out and have a drink or eat something, and I do. But I usually don't end up meeting anyone. Forget about meeting a girl, they don't go to bars, and they don't go to restaurants alone, usually with a guy or a girl friend. I'm not good at meeting people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bashar Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 i have the same problem as you do but here its a bit "not of a big deal" sometimes you have to go throw lonely nights before ending up with some freaking awesome relationship that's what i use to tip my shoulder from while to while Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeetPirate Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 You guys don't know how easy it is to pick up girls. First of all the odds are in your favour when you are a guy because there are like 5 women to 1 man possibly more by now with all the wars and killing etc. I know the problem, it's really about self confidence, you have to believe that you are good enough for the girl you want and then maybe you can get her. Of course it won't work on girls who are rich spoilt brats but that's not the kind of girl you want in your life anyway, trust me. ;) They are good for one time events but useless for companionship and friendship.If you see a girl with another girl you can just go and ask them if you can join their table or something and you know talk about regular stuff like tv shows or something. That's how you make friends. Other than that you can make friends on facebook and ask them to meet, I always do that. If a girl adds me on facebook and I ask her to meet and she refuses well I tell her there is no point in her adding me on facebook if she never plans on showing me her real face. I like to make friends too so that's why I do it, I also prefer meeting in real life as opposed to across the internet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HX1 Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Well.. I would say that depending on your age its probably that time in your life when your loneliness can be triggered by the need to get out there.. and have companionship.. Sounds like a half-wit assumption but it gets worse during certain times in our lives and I think its more instinctive during these times that it is at others.. From one view or perspective I would say that to some degree it would need to be curbed and take for what it is.. but in another I would say its healthy and right to seek it out rather it is for friendship or otherwise.. Having a happy and positive interaction with people and enjoying your life is something that would be important to your social development and time should not pass you by... nor should you become undeveloped socially and become introverted or come to hate interaction with others or lessen the need of said interaction and sharing of your life.. I mention the other because without some sort of balance... You can become someone who is co-dependant upon these things and should something occur or should you go through a time in your life where this is not there, then it is like a collapse of your world around you.. ( you have an identity crisis where you don't know who you are because everyone and everything else is what you are.. ) and it may and can cause or trigger decision making processes which cause you to make some mistakes.. or go far beyond what you should to acquire it or be apart of it.. Desperation in this area can also cause a change in your own personal identity... You can start to change parts you and your characteristics only because it fits something your after or that shiny little thing your after.. ( w/e it or they may be )... This sort of thing can happen after you leave school or lose someone who is close to you.. a friend or a lover.. even someone you like to share your free time with..Now my personal background is probably a little different from yours being that it comes from a place which has a few other aspects involved... Sexual Preferences, locations, environments, places to actually have interaction, financial status and personal appearances can all be determining factors depending upon perspectives, and observations which can effect the decision to go out there and look around or even try to find someone or that one friend.. In some cases one's personal success can greatly determine rather they even consider it to be something they can do.. Having the extra money to go out and do these things.. and where to go. Next waiting for the one place in which is he start of personal interaction or conversation and what is going to be shared between the two of you next.. The uncomfortable silences while they think of what they are saying or how they are coming off to you can be the longest few seconds around... nervousness.. apprehension.. and incorrectly reading a person's face can also lead to giving up on it and moving on.. The main point here being however that there can be many barriers for yourself.. made by you.. in what you want or would like to be.. even fear that these things will not be enough... Sometimes yo have to take the good with the bad.. and go out there anyway.. doing the best with what you have... but it should be years before you consider a stable relationship with someone where you can support them both emotionally and in all other ways. right now it wouldn't be the time to look to marry someone... Maybe a lifetime companion or the startings to a great relationship.. but nothing objectively serious and dead to the point right off.. and be careful about coming off as way too giving of yourself and everything else.. Its creepy... if someone says your cheap because your keep a balance with your life and survival of it in mind.. They are called Gold-Diggas... out for one thing... or they have no comprehension of money or life... probably a detriment to your life as Leet stated above..The first thing is to never go into anything expecting a thing... from anyone.. but go forward with each thing as if the world is fine... watch your anxiety because it make you look like that little wired-up Chihuahua.. and is off-putting.. nor are any of the positive stabilizing chemicals going to flow in your brain as they should to allow for someone to pickup on r see something they may have interest in.. and be yourself.. Anyone who wants to be with yo because you are something or someone else isn't going o be there for you.. and is a waste of time... ten years ago people were much different.. it was much easier... Many events and information which has been fed to people through the news and everywhere else makes the more afraid of everyone and everything.. It separates people in many ways to be able to interact normally.. no to mention when it comes to someone showing interest in them.. it sparks suspicion in many cases... Many women have to ideal that men are predatorial when it comes to this.. Afraid to be alone or alone with them.. and they have to be in a compromising position yet they claim they want someone strong.. So the key is to be yourself.. but the self of you who is open and strong.. Don't stand in front of the mirror and practice..Learn to appreciate the good points of yourself in balance to represent who you are... a mixture of your strengths and don't afraid to communicate your feelings on things.. Like many of us sit there and say or do nothing because we push it down and out of the way so we can push ourselves to go farther and achieve more.. This can also be one of the places people misunderstand us.. though we might not be one to complain a lot .. so negativity is way down... which may be appealing... It also allows you to be railroaded into accepting something we don't even want.. ( sometimes telling ourselves it will work out.. or get better ) It usually is what it is.. It also get the deceptive and manipulative types out f the way when they see you stand your ground where it counts and its not going to be something you are gong to have.. ( which holding back will usually explode into a fight .. )One thing.. make sure you keep most of it n a public place until you trust someone... and you will find or notice that there is value in your alone time probably after a time.. and that somethings will only exist there.. unless you find someone who knows how to actually enjoy that time or value it...Anyway rambling on writing a book was not what I wanted to do here.. Just remember that if you spend a lot of time online.. the only Friend your going to have is going to have a last name that ends in JPG, PNG, BMP, or AVI... with some light shallow interaction laid on top... Get yourself in order first.. and get out there.. I have met people online.. out of all of the years I have been online I have only actually met two... neither one lasted very long.. ( could just be me ) but I think Face to face is going to be your best bet.. Understanding what your observing might be key to the development of the skills you may need to be more comfortable going out there and finding someone for you... Many lives have a lot of differences as well as many common factors.. there is a lot that will be shared.. as well as a lot that will not ). We cannot expect our fantasy in one package.. nor our dreams to be fulfilled... but we can try.. and it is all we have... until something works..The last thing I want to say is for you not to sit inside your room or home anymore.. staring at a wall with this lump in your chest.. depressed and tearful.. feeling as though your alone.. That will lead to your suicide... Whatever it is holding you back needs to be ignored or pushed away.. if some other issue such as transportation or an oppressive environment is holding you back your going to have find a way away from it to free yourself... Its not wrong to have these feelings.. and its not wrong to feel down about it.. even to blame yourself.. Those feeling you will have... but not allowing this overflow of emotion to kill you and getting control of it before hand is going to be the only thing you can do.. until these things happen for you.. Somethings may actually be quite necessary to do so... and we have to have the strength to survive it.. and we have to do it before we run out of time.. and our lives pass us by... Don't let it force you to make the wrong decisions... I personally am probably one of the worst examples of it.. because of an oppression.. and lack of resources.. for the person I am..also as being the only person around me in my life that I could ever rely on.. in most ways.. its the hardest to make something from nothing.. These elements however can be quite the same and as much of a problem...You'll never be alone if you consider that most experience this at some point in our lives.. some more so than others.. some of us make the wrong decisions for a quick fix.. and some of us sort them all to find what we want... some of us just don't know what we want until we know something of whats it out there of everyone else.. Anyway I hope you get what I am saying.. probably be the book to most short replies again as usual.. LOL :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabben Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Aren't we too geeky for girls? :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pedrito Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Aren't we too geeky for girls? :D No. They just don't deserve us. :closedeyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HX1 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 BTW it may not be the best idea to post up your addy like that. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toyo Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Yeah, be a good boy like heath said and remove your mail address. May I suggest that you take it slow, read across the forums and post where you think you might have a say? You will make friends this way, especially if you will be polite and considerate towards other members. Friends do not come when you want them to. Stop craving things and be patient. As for the girlfriend subject... you most probably won't find it on these forums. Most girls have other interests, not tech and filesharing and such. Actually I never met a girl over the net in 15 years of use. Just go out and do stupid stuff, chicks dig that. However, girls can make you even more miserable, contrary to what you probably think, so I'd be really careful. It's bad to look vulnerable in public. Many of us will probably try to comfort you, but there are bad people that will try to take advantage of you. Internet is a wild place, so don't come unprepared... @heath. It's the 2nd time I don't really get to read the whole of your post, and I'm a reader type of person. I am guilty of making long posts myself... I'm trying to say that people will miss your (well argumented) points and the long minutes it took you to write this will be in vain. I wanted this to sound friendly, I'm not this good at English... sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HX1 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Your english is just fine.. :thumbsup: :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
implague Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 :wtf: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexcmia Posted January 9, 2011 Author Share Posted January 9, 2011 I'm well dressed in theory, I've read tons of books on subjects most of you don't even know about. PUA. I just don't have practice. I don't know how to go out and approach a chick. I don't know how to open her, how to keep up conversation, I just plain brain freeze. I've seen them checking me out, and what I usually do is ignore it, because if you get to the bottom of it, I wuss out. When I go out with a friend I have jolly old time, but I just can't seem to go out alone, I need that social umbrella. Yes, I'm working on myself. But I'm not trying hard enough, my mind is playing tricks on me, always making excuses. I used to be a 'nice' guy, always controlled by everyone, that phase is over ever since I discovered PUA and DJing. My problem is I'm loaded with theory and I don't have the nuts to go out there and practice it. Another problem is masculinity. Being skinny or being fat doesn't get you noticed by the women you want. It's just like we don't usually look at fat or ugly women -- women usually look at masculine, sport, buff guys. Someone in PUA community told me the best way to get laid, still is, to get in shape. I need to hit the gym. I've done it once, it took me two and a half months of semi hard work to get to the weight I wanted. Then I stopped exercising. Now I'm looking at least half a year to get to the healthy zone, and then who knows how long to buff up.But the biggest problem is my approach anxiety. It's beyond just being afraid to approach. It's being afraid to go out alone. I don't even know if afraid is the word... anxiety. Having an f-ed up childhood does that. E-mail stays, cuz I want to chat with someone who has the same problem or can help me. It's not e-mail by the way, it's MSN messenger address. If you e-mail you'll hit the junk box and I will never read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexcmia Posted January 9, 2011 Author Share Posted January 9, 2011 To think about it, my number one barrier is procrastination. How that is related to other things and where that's coming from I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HX1 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Have you ever had sex? Like ever had any relationship at all? Just some questions because you should not have this apprehension unless there is something about you that is building the wall .. Either yo have a little secret somewhere.. Like so many do.. You feel guilty because you are really out there for one thing.. and You feel like its going to be something they can smell on you.. Or there are social development issues that are coming from some form of trauma in your life... That actually can be triggered by given cues in interaction.. or even thoughts you find yourself thinking of when your in the middle of the conversation or at a party..All of the things you mention are showing withdrawal.. and apprehension.. while they can be called other things.. they don't just simply exist for no reason... Maybe its fear of actually becoming entangled in a situation that would turn out for the worst.. Like a friend or even family member's nightmare..Maybe its a fer of becoming that over-bloated asshole who completely disrespects people in every way.. when all your looking for is something simple.. but its the advise you have turned to.. and are unsure of.. Quite a few seemingly simply things can have profound effects upon us and how we move about.. The big thing is being smart enough.. and observant enough.. in-touch with yourself enough to notice them..analyze the thought process the feeling involved and work your way backward to what it is or was.. If you know what it is then you must face it in some way and come to terms with what it means to other people out there.. Sometimes your values and fear can be placed in a value system but can totally depend more on how other people speak of it.. and how they view it.. Within certain groups of individuals what you want .. is freely understood and talked about... there you are most likely to feel more comfortable to a certain degree.. Dealing with sexuality in todays society is quite an ordeal as for even the natural level of interaction and within the boundaries that they are accepted are still treated like total taboo.. Being influenced by this type of viewpoint rather it comes from your upbringing or just one of those women in the office who have all but died mentally and physically in this area who project this onto others.. in viewpoints, how they treat other people.. and also channel this energy into becoming involved n other peoples lives int his area.. destroying it for them.. because thats what they have done .. at the end of the day for themselves to deal with it.. Having this type of influence can shut you down mentally and physically in every way.. and is COMPLETELY unhealthy as well... its is not a sign of healthy anything... You also have the religious views and what a 'great guy' is supposed to be by standards that will range from place to place and person to person..IN all of these areas I have one thing to say.. Yo are still trying to squeeze into or fill the cookie cutter... PUA you say.. First thing you need to realize.. regardless of what guys will say.. Not every girl is going to go home with you.. not every girl is going to give you their number.. and most importantly.. not every one of them are going to have enough in common with you to talk all night.. nor will not all of them have the faculties of conversation and rational thought to do so.. Many of them too will be doing th same exact thing you are.. Fake.. taught from birth to walk a certain way.. posture.. talk a certain way.. be polite ( some of them ).. Express light and airy happy thoughts and be this or that.. most of which s nothing of what they truly are...'Welcome to the Customer Service Desk, how may I help you today?' - Same thing.. and guys are no different... Yo can expect a well rounded everything.. with as much beauty can come as much ugliness...If you want to fuck your way to the top.. and leave a trail of them behind you ... you need to dive into another world.. If your looking into finding the best possible date first meet.. and love at first site... Then you also need to dive into another world.. IF you expect to have years of conversational quality in a moments notice then you too are going to have take another route..Mot relationships or 'meets' in which people have things to talk about, include some common factors.. Sometimes work... sometimes college and school.. maybe sometimes something in the neighborhood.. You can have a short conversation and show your interest and say more with a smile on your face.. than you can trying to talk their head off until they give up or invite you back to their apartment... You keep expecting this or waiting for it.. and your going to probably 90% of the time.. Miss out on something that is going to feel right to the both of you later on..In your mind each thing you say and do seems to not be right because your trying to be perfect by your standards and the info stream you have been taking in.. There is nothing in this world that perfect.. don't expect it from either side or you will have nothing but disappointments.. until its the perfect con.. and that is the first rule to remember...You know.. how did you come to the realization that you needed to be a PUA.. Recommendation from someone? Is this how your choosing to address the loneliness.. Is your procrastination actually a sign of this not really being something you even want to do right now in your life.. Sometimes living free, being yourself.. not targeting your next victim and feeling its your duty to do so..like a job may be the best way to meet someone who has real interest in you.. Someone with whom your paths have actually crossed for the right reasons.. no apprehension.. not uncomfortable BS...just casual... The best relationships I have ever had were made that way.. and they stayed on a positive note... BTW reading and listening to guys talk about how many people they have been with and all this.. is 90% BS.. and bragging.. don't let it make you feel inferior.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexcmia Posted January 9, 2011 Author Share Posted January 9, 2011 I've never had a relationship at all. I had sex twice, both times paid. Both times it felt robotic and I needed something more, although the last girl was actually satisfied. I had a severe case of oneitis years ago, and it was second time in my life, I noticed a pattern, so I turned to research and came across seduction community. It explained everything for me, and I've made quite some progress, but I just don't have the balls to actually approach. You see as a kid and even now I am blessed more than others with a case of gynecomastia. My social life ended when I was in 7th grade. Then throughout college. It's only years later that I came across a gynecomastia vest, that alone made a big progress for me. Before it I was avoiding going out what so ever, with it, I could go out shopping, etc. But the damage was already done, I didn't know how to be social. I picked up PUA, that just means reading a few books, watching a few movies, and most respected material is the book of pook. Far from being a lay machine, it teaches that getting a girl is not success, since most relationship doesn't last, and most people get divorced. Thus finding the right one is success. That's what PUA is for me. But you see my problem is actually deep rooted, and no amount of help, helped me thus far. Withdrawal and apprehension I think comes from me not having a social life for so long due to my problem. Now though, I know I look alright, but my "social retardation" keeps me back. So the question is how to move past this? Another thing, and I know this is related. People have the ability to let go, when listening to music, when going out, etc. I don't know how to do that. I'm too smart for myself. Too tense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henz Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 how old are you ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jalaffa Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 :tease:I've found this topic very interesting to read. Some genuine stuff noted posted. Postings of random emotions kind of distracts. I will have those postings removed now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha1BA Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 OMG I did wonder if anyone would comment! he's obviously takin the p*ss!btw this is a geek tech site not a geek lonely hearts column!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jalaffa Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 There is room for "I'm lonely" postings in "The Chat Bar" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha1BA Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 is there room for a i'm suicidal postings?or my wife ran off withe the milkman and took the dog? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HX1 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 That's right and being respectful of other people being able to open up and communicate on the level isn't very considerate.. This area of the forums is for any purpose non-related to tech.. Regardless of how you may feel Alpha.. members of this community address issues and reach out all over.. regardless.. it does take more than what you realize for people to do that.. Negative comments of the sort only work things of this nature backwards... and add to problems... Think about that next time you need help with something.. anything... @ Alex I am coming back to this in a minute... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shought Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 OMG I did wonder if anyone would comment! he's obviously takin the p*ss!So you were aware of the fact that you were probably causing people to take offense of your posts? Piece of advice: next time you are, reconsider your post ;) There's room for anything in The Chat Bar (hence the name), thankfully the forums rules do however still apply and you're still asked to be respectful towards other members :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha1BA Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 it seems odd that he has the balls to approach a prostitute, actually ask for sex and pay her! why not go to a bar and ask a woman if she wants a drink and take it from there...@shought if I was being dissrespectful my posts would be entirely different!! I just can't believe it is all!!! I meant no dissrespect! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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