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Assassination Service


karachidude

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Assassination Service

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What's are you offering?

I'm offering my services to assassinate (kill) a target for a reasonable sum of money.

Why should I hire you?

• I am highly reliable. I guarantee that your chosen target will be dead within 1-3 days. *1

• You will never be connected to any of the assassinations, I go to great lengths to protect and ensure your privacy. *2

• My services are very inexpensive, compared to competitors.

That's great! What makes you different from everyone else though?

• My operations are ALWAYS FUD.

• Unlike competitors, I take online orders. (PP, LR, MB)

• I offer customized killings. (See below)

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Service Info

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Eligible Countries

Currently I only accept orders from the US, I'm planning to extend operations if I get enough requests.

Pricing

I am operating out of California, USA. Obviously, due to transportation costs, the farther away the target is, the more I will be requesting.

The factors I include in cost are:

- Risk Factor -

The more risky it is to go after the victim, the more I will add to the cost of purchasing my services. This is calculated by how known the target is in his or her community, state, or country, and how much security this person has. Security includes but is not limited to: body guards, dogs, cameras, public attention, religion, and house protection.

- Distance -

As stated before, the farther away the target, the more it will cost. You may choose my method of transportation. I have a fear of flying though, so if your choice is flying me to my destination, I will be forced to ask you for First Class tickets, and I will only fly popular airlines. If I am going to die, I am going to die in luxury.

- Mood -

Purchasing my services can be a gamble. Sometimes I come home after assassinating a very frustrating target, or I get blood on one of my favorite white assassination suits, and I may or may not take out my anger on you by adding anything between $50 to $1000 to your total.

Do not PM me for a price quote!

I will not reply to any PM about my service, you must contact me through my email,[email protected]

Customized Assassinations

Yes! Your eyes do not deceive you, I do indeed offer custom killings! It is exactly what the name implies. In the email, tell me how you want your target killed, and I will follow your instructions to the letter! Guaranteed!

How to Order

Send an email to: [email protected]

Please include your FULL NAME, GENDER, PHONE NUMBER, ADDRESS, SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER, DATE OF BIRTH, FAMILY MEMBERS, CLOSE FRIENDS, ROOMMATES, CLASSMATES, PETS, COPY OF YOUR PASSPORT, COPY OF YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE.

This is to ensure your privacy, and to provide me a way to contact you if needed.

The bare minimums for targets are FULL NAME, CITY, STATE. If I encounter problems with finding the exact address of the target, I will contact you via the globally famous, Stork Mail. If not enough information is provided for me to calculate your price, I offer a stalking service for $50 USD, and I will return a quote within 5 days.

Be sure to include extras such as custom assassination instructions.

Miscellaneous

WARNING: I ENJOY MY JOB. IF YOU TRY TO SCAM ME, I WILL HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH HUNTING YOU DOWN, FREE OF CHARGE.

Guarantee

I guarantee that every assassination will be successful, however, in the event of a problem, I will assassinate an extra target for you, for free. I will not, however, assassinate myself.

*1 May take longer due to complications. Complications include, but are not limited to: Nature, Stupidity Impulses, External Influence, and much, much more.

*2 In the past, clients have found that I lied. I take little to no steps to protect your privacy.

It's pretty obvious that this is a joke, if you don't get it, are offended, or are confused, please send all complaints to: [email protected]

***EDIT***: Due to accusations of possible scamming, I will assassinate ONE person, no cost, for verification. TRUSTED MEMBERS ONLY!

K'dude

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