Man Sues Almost Everyone For $2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

[Myna]

The News:

A Manhattan man raised his pinky to his lips and sued New York City, a bakery, two local hospitals, Kmart and a "Latina" dog owner for two undecillion dollars -- more than all the money on planet Earth.

Anton Purisima, 62, filed the hand-scrawled lawsuit last month against those entities and pretty much anyone else he could think of. He seeks damages for "civil rights violations, personal injury, discrimination on national origin, retaliation, harassment, fraud, attempted murder, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and conspiracy to defraud," the New York Post reports.

Purisima is representing himself in the hope that he can score the insane amount of money, which was written with a 2 and 36 zeros. It looks like this:

$2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.

His claims range from an infected middle finger he suffered when he was bit by a "rabies-infected" dog on a bus, to a "Chinese couple" taking pictures of him at a hospital. He said no money in the world could satisfy him, so his damages are "priceless."

Past that, it's hard to figure out what exactly he's suing for. His number isn't listed, and he didn't respond to calls for comment from reporters.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/17/man-sues-2-undecillion-_n_5343145.html

BEST ARTICLE ON THIS NEWS

$2 Undecillion Lawsuit

What if Au Bon Pain lost this lawsuit and had to pay the plaintiff $2 undecillion? —Kevin Underhill

The bakery-cafe chain Au Bon Pain (with a few other organizations) is being sued. This is how much money the person suing them is demanding:

This is how much sellable stuff there is in the world:

This is the estimated economic value of all goods and services produced by humanity since we first evolved:

Even if Au Bon Pain conquers the planet and puts everyone to work for them from now until the stars die, they wouldn't make a dent in the bill.

Maybe people just aren't that valuable. The EPA currently values a human life at $8.7 million, although they go to great lengths to point out that technically this is not actually the value any specific person places on another person's individual life. In any case, by their measure, the total value we place on all the world's humans is about $60 trillion—less than the total value we place on all the world's oil.

But while people may be worthless, we're hardly all there is on the planet. Out of all the Earth's atoms, only 1 out of every 10 trillion is part of a human.

The Earth's crust contains a bunch of atoms,^{[citation needed]} some of which are valuable. If you extracted all the elements, purified them, and sold them, the market would crash.[5] But if you somehow sold them at their current market price, they would be worth ...

Oddly, most of this value comes from potassium and calcium, and most of the rest comes from sodium and iron. If you're going to sell the Earth's crust for scrap, those are probably the ones you should sift out.

Sadly, even selling the crust for scrap doesn't get us close to the numbers we need.

We could include the core, which is iron and nickel with a dash of precious metals, but it turns out it wouldn't help. The amount demanded from Au Bon Pain is just too large. In fact, an Earth made of solid gold wouldn't be enough. The Sun's weight in platinum wouldn't be, either.

By weight, the single most valuable thing that's been bought and sold on an open market is probably the Treskilling Yellow postage stamp. There's only one known copy of it, and in 2010 it sold for $2,300,000. That works out to about $30 billion per kilogram of stamps. If the Earth's weight were entirely postage stamps, it would still not be enough to pay off Au Bon Pain's potential debt.

If Au Bon Pain & co decided to be intentionally difficult, and pay their debt entirely in pennies, they would form a sphere that would squeeze inside the orbit of Mercury. The bottom line is that paying this settlement would be, in almost any sense of the word, impossible.

Fortunately, Au Bon Pain has a better option.

Kevin, who asked this question, is a lawyer and author of the legal humor blog that reported on the Au Bon Pain case. He told me that the world's most highly-paid lawyer—on an hourly basis—is probably former Solicitor General Ted Olson, who recently disclosed in bankruptcy filings that he charges $1,800 per hour.

Suppose there are 40 billion habitable planets in our galaxy, and every one of them hosts an Earth-sized population of 7 billion Ted Olsons.

If Au Bon Pain hired every Ted Olson in the galaxy to defend them in this case, and had them all work 80-hour weeks, 52 weeks a year, for a thousand generations...

... it would still cost them less than if they lost.

Source: http://what-if.xkcd.com/96/

[Ballistic Gelatin]

After the judge dismisses this suit, he will likely tell this idiot to "hop on and rotate on MY middle finger!"