ducky88 Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 Two fellas walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, “That's them”. The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. “Yeah, we'll take four of them birds in that cage up there,” says Gerry. “Put them in a paper bag.” The clerk does this and the two men pay for the birds and leave the shop. They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop. “This looks like a grand place, eh?” says Gerry. “Oh, yeah, this looks good,” replies Paddy. They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. “I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?” says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds, followed by a ‘SPLAT'. As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says, “Screw that, this budgie jumpin' is too dangerous for me…” lurch234, Karlston, leapinlizards and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 Three drunk guys were on top of the Empire State building. "Did you know if you throw yourself down over there a updraft will pick you up and deposit you back just where you stood?" one of the drunks says. As he finishes he jumps off and about a third way down he suddenly comes back up! "No way!" replies one of the other drunks as he proceeds to jump of the railing. As the last drunk watched his buddy splatter on the pavement way down below he says to the first drunk "You're a mean man Superman when you drink!" Karlston, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 TrojanK, ducky88, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 funkyy, TrojanK and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 5 Share Posted July 5 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagicSahar Posted July 6 Share Posted July 6 Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted July 6 Share Posted July 6 Went to the animal shelter and brought back a blacksmith's dog. How do I know? The second I put him on the floor he made a bolt for the door... funkyy, Karlston, ducky88 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 Tzcon, ducky88, TrojanK and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 8 Share Posted July 8 funkyy, ducky88 and leapinlizards 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted July 9 Share Posted July 9 The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge."Was it my friend Sam", he demanded. "No !" his weeping wife replied. "Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked. "NO !!!" she said even more upset. "Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked. "Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped. Karlston, funkyy and lurch234 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted July 9 Share Posted July 9 All my family are police officers except my uncle Fred. He's a bank robber. He died suddenly the other day. Surrounded by his family... Karlston, ducky88 and Tzcon 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 9 Share Posted July 9 lurch234, Tzcon and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted July 9 Share Posted July 9 2 minutes ago, Karlston said: Guilty as charged... funkyy and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 9 Share Posted July 9 2 minutes ago, lurch234 said: Guilty as charged... You too eh? lurch234 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted July 10 Share Posted July 10 lurch234 and Karlston 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 10 Share Posted July 10 funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 This is a zinger best told to people What's the difference between sex and a sandbox? You don't know? Well, just keep on playing in your sandbox then... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted July 13 Share Posted July 13 Karlston, funkyy and lurch234 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 13 Share Posted July 13 funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 14 Share Posted July 14 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted July 14 Share Posted July 14 · I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. · I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. · This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. · I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. And I can't put it down. ducky88, Karlston and Tzcon 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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