aum Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 TrojanK, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 23, 2023 Share Posted December 23, 2023 ducky88, aum and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 23, 2023 Share Posted December 23, 2023 The arithmetic teacher had written 10.9 on the blackboard and had then rubbed out the decimal point to show the effect of multiplying this number by ten. "Johnny," the teacher asked, "where is the decimal point now?" "On the eraser!" came back the quick reply. ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 23, 2023 Share Posted December 23, 2023 A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult." the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset." ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 23, 2023 Share Posted December 23, 2023 A 17 year old guy walks into a drug store. He says “I’ve been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend’s house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean.” Clerk: “How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here’s a pack.” The young man after paying walks to the door, stops, smiles, comes back: “you know what, the mom is also smoking hot, I think I’ll take another pack, just in case I get extra lucky.” Christmas eve comes around, the boy sits at the dinner table and doesn’t say a word. After a while his girlfriend says: “if I had known you were so quiet, I wouldn’t have invited you.” The young man replies “if you had told me your dad works at the drug store, I wouldn’t have come.” funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 23, 2023 Share Posted December 23, 2023 funkyy, aum, lurch234 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 24, 2023 Share Posted December 24, 2023 aum, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted December 24, 2023 Share Posted December 24, 2023 A married couple are having an argument about money. "Why do you even buy bras!?" the husband suddenly says. "You got nothing to put in them!" "Well!" his wife replies. "You DO buy boxer briefs..." funkyy, Karlston, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 24, 2023 Share Posted December 24, 2023 What is the NSA? A government organization that actually listens to you. Karlston, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 24, 2023 Share Posted December 24, 2023 Two fishermen, Paul and Jim, decided to rent a boat on a lake for their favorite sport. After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits. Suddenly things started to happen and they caught their limit inside of twenty minutes. Paul said, Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come, Jim says good idea, and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat to mark the spot. With that Paul says, why did you do that, now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish. ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 24, 2023 Share Posted December 24, 2023 Good: Your husband is not talking to you. Bad: He wants a divorce. Ugly: He's a lawyer. Good: Your husband understands fashion. Bad: He's a cross-dresser. Ugly: He looks better than you. Good: You give 'the birds and the bees' talk to your 14-year-old daughter. Bad: She keeps interrupting. Ugly: With corrections ducky88, Karlston and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 24, 2023 Share Posted December 24, 2023 lurch234 and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 24, 2023 Share Posted December 24, 2023 lurch234 and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name ...and you've never been to that bar before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. ~ Jay Leno Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was the husband who was always behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he suddenly said to his wife, "Ok honey, this is a drill. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore." She was initially surprised and flustered, but she soon settled down and was able to safely drive the boat to shore. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, grabbed the remote control, switched the channel, and said to him, "OK honey, this is a drill. Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must set the table, cook dinner, and wash the dishes." Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 Joke of the Day ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 sandman117, aum and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 Karlston and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 An old man is walking along the street one morning, feeling hungry. He sees a sign in the window of a restaurant that says, “Try our Exotic Breakfast now” So he walks in and sits down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks what he wants. The old man asks, “What’s your Exotic Breakfast?” “Baked tongue of chicken,” she proudly replies. The old man shouts, “Baked tongue of chicken! Have you any idea how disgusting that is? I’d never even think about eating anything that came out of a chicken’s mouth! Urgh!!” The waitress is a little taken aback, but stays calm and asks him, “No problem, sir. What would you prefer, then?” The old man says, “Just bring me some scrambled eggs.” funkyy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate. "You can't do that," argued my four-year-old. "Don't worry. Santa will never know." He shot me a look. "So he knows if I've been bad or good, but he doesn't know if you dropped a cookie on the floor?" ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate. "I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?" "I should let you know first that I am a policeman." "That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!" funkyy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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