Karlston Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 My difference between the birthday cards my 40 y/o partner got from his parents vs from me ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultrahub Posted October 21, 2023 Share Posted October 21, 2023 It's true ... phen0men4, funkyy, lurch234 and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 21, 2023 Share Posted October 21, 2023 I am looking for someone to brush their teeth with me. I found out that 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone won't reduce cavities. Karlston, ducky88 and TrojanK 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 21, 2023 Share Posted October 21, 2023 A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walked into a clinic to donate blood. The doctor says to the rabbit: "What's your blood type?" "I'm probably a Type O", the rabbit replied. lurch234, aum and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 21, 2023 Share Posted October 21, 2023 When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven. One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit. "That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?" "Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful hill, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royces." "Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates. "No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic." Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off to find St. Peter. Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying, "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion, and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? I invented the Windows operating system! Why does he deserve better?" "Yes, but we use Windows," replied Peter, "and the Titanic only crashed once." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 21, 2023 Share Posted October 21, 2023 Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "Danger! Beware of Dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him." ducky88, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 21, 2023 Share Posted October 21, 2023 There are 3 rings in a marriage. Engagement ring. Wedding ring. Suffer ring! ducky88, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 21, 2023 Share Posted October 21, 2023 One day, two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14, came home with a 20 and 50 euro note. Their mother asked them where they got all that money from. “Well, we were standing outside the brothel when a guy left,” said the 12-year-old. “We told him that we knew where he had been, so he asked us not to reveal anything and gave us 20 euros.” “Then we followed the man,” said the other boy, and when he came to his house we told him that now we also knew where he lived. Then he gave us another 50 euros and begged us to keep quiet. “That’s a truly awful behavior,” the mother replied. “You really should be ashamed of yourselves and feel sorry for the man. Off you go to confession in the church.” The boys did what they were told and went to the Church, to confess and atone before the priest. After a while they came back with 100 euros, because now they also knew where the man worked! funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultrahub Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 ... there are more reasons aum, Karlston, lurch234 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 Forgot my Pin for the 3rd time today. As expected, I'm now banned from Grenade training. funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 'Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 'I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 'I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am. that you're not here to ruin it for me.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 'Thanks for being a part of my life! I never knew what evil was before this!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 'Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 'When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 'I'm so miserable without you. It's almost like you're here.' funkyy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 'Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket. I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.' funkyy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 A guy had just returned from two weeks of vacation. He asked his boss for two more weeks off to get married. "What?" shouted the boss, "I can't give you more time now. Why didn't you get married while you were off?" "Are you nuts?" he replied. "That would have ruined my whole vacation." funkyy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 Added a PCIe Wi-Fi card to my PC. These are the available WiFi names around me... The last one is from a neighbour's StarLink. Why "STINKY"? lurch234, funkyy, phen0men4 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted October 23, 2023 Share Posted October 23, 2023 Did you know that muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you take them out of the oven. funkyy, lurch234, aum and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 24, 2023 Share Posted October 24, 2023 I thought it was a real question when the teacher asked me if I knew any words that had all the vowels in order. Turned out it was facetious. ultrahub and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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