aum Posted October 9, 2023 Share Posted October 9, 2023 The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. e then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously, they were thinking, ‘That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.’ As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine – they were used to sharing everything. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said, ‘No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.’ Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked, ‘What is it you are waiting for?’ She answered, "The teeth". leapinlizards, TrojanK, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultrahub Posted October 10, 2023 Share Posted October 10, 2023 Circa 1984 Karlston, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 10, 2023 Share Posted October 10, 2023 funkyy, ducky88 and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted October 11, 2023 Share Posted October 11, 2023 A crowd watched the man filling his car's gas tank while he smoked a cigarette. Moments later, the same man was running through the parking lot with his arm on fire. A few more moments later, several patrol cars stopped, extinguished the flame and handcuffed the man for the use of an illegal fire arm. ultrahub, funkyy, Karlston and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 11, 2023 Share Posted October 11, 2023 Restaurant bathrooms are really, really dangerous. So many of my first dates have gone to use them and vanished. ducky88, Karlston and TrojanK 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 11, 2023 Share Posted October 11, 2023 Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty! ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 11, 2023 Share Posted October 11, 2023 A girl from New York and a girl from the west coast were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from New York, being friendly and all said, "So, where ya from?" The west coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from New York, sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: "So, where ya from.... bitch?" ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted October 12, 2023 Share Posted October 12, 2023 A elementary school teacher was asking math questions. Turning to the slow kid of the class she asks: "Henry! What is 5+5?" Henry starts to count on his fingers when the teacher yells: "Henry! Put your hands in your pockets. Now, what is 5+5?" After a short while Henry replies: "11!" TrojanK, ultrahub and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 12, 2023 Share Posted October 12, 2023 “Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note, it said ‘Parking Fine.’” TrojanK, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 12, 2023 Share Posted October 12, 2023 My grandfather invented the cold air balloon. It never really took off. ducky88, Karlston and phen0men4 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 12, 2023 Share Posted October 12, 2023 Silence is the best response to a fool! ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 12, 2023 Share Posted October 12, 2023 Unsure about these aum and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 13, 2023 Share Posted October 13, 2023 What’s way worse than Friday the 13th? Monday the whatever. ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 13, 2023 Share Posted October 13, 2023 Why is Friday the thirteenth one of the worst days to get arrested on? Because the judge will only be in on Monday. ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 13, 2023 Share Posted October 13, 2023 Why don’t people like going to work on Friday the thirteenth every year? Because they hate their jobs very much for the rest of the year too. ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 13, 2023 Share Posted October 13, 2023 What’s the worst thing that can happen on Friday the thirteenth? Getting married. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Why did the old man wake up on Friday the 13th and decide that nothing bad could happen to him all day? Because he had already gotten married. Karlston, ducky88, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 13, 2023 Share Posted October 13, 2023 What usually happens on Friday the thirteenth? Nothing at all. Which types of people consider Friday the thirteenth as lucky as any other day? The smart ones. funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 14, 2023 Share Posted October 14, 2023 Sorry everyone, last post hidden. It could be perceived as offensive by some members. Guideline to keep in mind... Quote Members should also remember that this forum is aimed at a general audience. Posting pornographic or generally offensive text, images, links etc will not be tolerated. Posts should be respectful to other members of our community. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultrahub Posted October 14, 2023 Share Posted October 14, 2023 IKEA also provides books ... ... some assembly required. phen0men4, ducky88, lurch234 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 14, 2023 Share Posted October 14, 2023 TrojanK, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 14, 2023 Share Posted October 14, 2023 A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. “All right children, let’s take another example,” she said. “If I were to get into a man’s pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?” Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, “You’d be his wife!” ducky88 and TrojanK 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Matt Posted October 14, 2023 Administrator Share Posted October 14, 2023 A funny quote I came across. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. ducky88, lurch234, Karlston and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 14, 2023 Share Posted October 14, 2023 (edited) Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. Edited October 14, 2023 by aum ultrahub, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 14, 2023 Share Posted October 14, 2023 There is always death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year. ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 14, 2023 Share Posted October 14, 2023 It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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