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[JOTD] Joke of the day


rudrax

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Okay, so what happened here exactly?

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Hair Care for Dummies

 

A blonde & brunette are in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets on. He looks perfect: a three-piece suit, great build with a nice butt. The only thing is, he has dandruff.

The man gets off on the fifth floor. Once the doors close, the brunette turns to the blonde and says, "Someone should give him Head & Shoulders".

 

To which the blonde replies: "How do you give Shoulders?"

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No appointments needed

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I wonder whose decision it was

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Elton John took his pet rabbit to the gym...

 

Spoiler

…it’s a little fit bunny

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Yesterday, the husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen.
He sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly.

 

Today, the wife is putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

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On the Listening Tour, a prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.


He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.


"Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.

 

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2 hours ago, aum said:

On the Listening Tour, a prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.


He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.


"Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.

 

Show me a poor politician or one who doesn't tell lies and I'll

show you a pink elephant.😀😀😀

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Proud of myself. Did my first vinyl wrap today, only had one bubble!

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Wife: Where are you?

Husband : At home love.

Wife: Are you sure?

Husband: Yes.

Wife : Turn on the mixer.

Husband : (turns mixer on) Rrrreeereeeereeee…

Wife: Ok my love goodbye.

 

Another day

 

Suspicious Wife: Where are you?

Husband : At home love.

Wife: Are you sure?

Husband : Yes.

Wife: Turn on the mixer.

Husband: (turns mixer on) Rrreeereeeereeee…

Wife: Ok my love goodbye.

 

The next day, the wife decides to go home without notice, and finds her son alone and she asks him: Son, where is your father?”

 

Son: “I don’t know, he went out with the mixer.

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I ordered a chicken and an egg online.

 

I'll let you know.

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A plane is flying over the Mediterranean.


A pilots voice comes on And says a terrible thing has happened.
We’ve lost both engines and we’re gonna have to land in the Mediterranean.
The plane will stay afloat for a very short time.
And we’ll be able to open the door just long enough that everyone can get out.
We have to do this in an orderly fashion.


Everyone that can swim just go to the right wing and stand there.
Everyone who can’t swim just go to the left wing and just stand there.
Those of you on the right wing you’ll find a little island it’s in the direction of the Sun about two miles off, and as the plane goes under just swim in an orderly fashion out and you’ll be fine.


And for those of you on the left wing:

 

I want to thank you for flying Air Italia.

 

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55 minutes ago, Karlston said:

I ordered a chicken and an egg online.

 

I'll let you know.

That was subtle. I'm ashamed to say I didn't get that at first...

 

Edited by lurch234
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1 hour ago, lurch234 said:

That was subtle. I'm ashamed to say I didn't get that at first...

 

I suspect the universe will maintain the paradox by ensuring both are lost in the mail. :)

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13 hours ago, Karlston said:

I ordered a chicken and an egg online.

 

I'll let you know.

Order some buttered toast and see which way up its delivered

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Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.

 

When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest.

 

Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.

 

This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."

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A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy."

 

His friend replies, "How's that?"

 

"It's like this -- my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression."

 

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An old man bought a well from a smart aleck.

 

The next day while on his way to the market he met the smart aleck who told him, “I have sold the well to you but not the water. If you use the water you will have to pay for it.”

 

The old man stared at him for a moment.

 

Then he replied, “I was in fact planning to come to your place and ask you to empty the water. If you don’t, you will have to pay the rent for storing it in my well.”

 

Sometimes, being too smart doesn’t pay!

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