aum Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 Q: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A: "Your mother ate us out of house and home." ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. "How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died." "Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband." "He died of a broken neck." A broken neck?" "He wouldn't eat the mushrooms." funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. "But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!" The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!" kaloo1995, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 A little old lady tried to phone her local bank but was put through instead to the bank’s call center. “Is that the High Street branch?” she asked. “No madam,” replied the voice at the other end. “It is now company policy to deal with telephone calls centrally.” “Well I really need to speak to the branch,” said the old lady. “Madam, if you just let me know your query, I’m sure I can help you.” “I don’t think you can, young man. I need to speak to the branch.” The call center operator was adamant. “There’s nothing that the branch can help you with that can’t be dealt with by me.” “Very well then,” sighed the old lady. “Can you just check on the counter? Did I leave my gloves behind when I came in this morning?” Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 TrojanK, funkyy, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 25, 2023 Share Posted August 25, 2023 Every time I go on vacation my wife gets pregnant. This year I'm taking her with me! ducky88, TrojanK, Karlston and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rainmaker Posted August 25, 2023 Share Posted August 25, 2023 Zip Ties... Good for a few more miles. \\ R aum, TrojanK, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 25, 2023 Share Posted August 25, 2023 aum and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 26, 2023 Share Posted August 26, 2023 A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green. Little Johnny, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire-truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him, “Little Johnny, how many times have you seen a red duck?” Little Johnny replied, “The same number of times I’ve seen a duck holding an umbrella.” ducky88, Karlston and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 26, 2023 Share Posted August 26, 2023 aum, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 27, 2023 Share Posted August 27, 2023 funkyy, aum and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday, so during this party he grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. "I will give anything they desire of mine, to the person who swims across that pool." So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, wet and soaked! The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?" the millionaire asks. The guy grabs the mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the idiot that pushed me in!" ducky88 and rolin 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Rainmaker Posted August 28, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted August 28, 2023 \\ R lurch234, TrojanK, funkyy and 4 others 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 My buddy works for Amazon and these were the delivery instructions aum, ducky88, TrojanK and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 I asked my wife the other day what she liked best about me. "Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?" She replied: "Your sense of humor, dear." Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 A police car pulled up in front of grandma Bessie’s house, and grandpa got out. The polite policeman explained that the elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and couldn’t find his way home. “Morris,” said grandma, “you’ve been going to that park for over 30 years, how come you get lost today?” Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn’t hear, grandpa whispered, “I wasn’t lost. I was just too tired to walk home.” funkyy and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 TrojanK, lurch234, aum and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkyy Posted August 30, 2023 Share Posted August 30, 2023 Definitely gonna buy that Orgone Accumulator device for my wife's birthday. TrojanK, kaloo1995, ducky88 and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 My mate David was a victim of ID theft. Now we just call him Dav. Karlston, funkyy and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 Karlston, ducky88, TrojanK and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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