aum Posted August 17, 2023 Share Posted August 17, 2023 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 17, 2023 Share Posted August 17, 2023 funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 17, 2023 Share Posted August 17, 2023 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 18, 2023 Share Posted August 18, 2023 An old man from Alabama moves to New York. He walks into an “Everything under one roof” department store looking for a job. He sits down, greets the manager, and shakes his hand. The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The man replies, “Yes, I was a salesman back home in Alabama.” They talk and get to know each other and the manager likes him so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come by after we close and see how you did.” His first day on the job was rough, but he pulled through it. After the store closed, the manager came down just like he said, “How many customers bought something from you today?” The man replies, “One.” The boss looks at him and shouts, “Just one!? Our salespeople have an average of 20 to 30 customers per day! “. “How much was the sale for!?” The man replies “$121,237.65” The boss was now shocked: “What did you sell?” The man says, “First I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then a new fishing rod. So I asked him where he was going to fish and he said on the coast, so I told him he needed a good boat, we went down to that department, and he got a twin-engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull the boat, so I took him to the automotive department and sold him a truck. The boss frowned and said, “A man came here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a truck?” The man replied, “No, the guy actually came here to buy some t.a.m.p.o.n.s for his wife and I said, “Man, your weekend’s busted, might as well go fishing’. The following day, the boss gave the old man a promotion. funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 18, 2023 Share Posted August 18, 2023 ducky88, aum and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 19, 2023 Share Posted August 19, 2023 I'm no cactus expert. But I know a prick when I see one. ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 19, 2023 Share Posted August 19, 2023 Two men, sentenced to die on the same day, were led down to the room where the electric chair was. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" The man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?" "Certainly," replied the warden.He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?" "Please," said the condemned man, "Kill me first." Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 19, 2023 Share Posted August 19, 2023 On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?" Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 19, 2023 Share Posted August 19, 2023 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 20, 2023 Share Posted August 20, 2023 A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500.” “Why does the parrot cost so much?” asks the customer. The owner says, “Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research.” The customer then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case. Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this aroused the question, “What can it do?” To which the owner replies, “To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner.” ducky88, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 20, 2023 Share Posted August 20, 2023 funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted August 22, 2023 Share Posted August 22, 2023 I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness. Karlston and lurch234 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted August 22, 2023 Share Posted August 22, 2023 I have a weird family. One of my uncles a bank robber while his 5 brothers are police officers. I heard he died the other day. Surrounded by his family... funkyy, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 22, 2023 Share Posted August 22, 2023 funkyy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 22, 2023 Share Posted August 22, 2023 Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 22, 2023 Share Posted August 22, 2023 funkyy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 22, 2023 Share Posted August 22, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 22, 2023 Share Posted August 22, 2023 funkyy, ducky88, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 22, 2023 Share Posted August 22, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 22, 2023 Share Posted August 22, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 22, 2023 Share Posted August 22, 2023 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 When I was at the gym yesterday, everyone kept asking me why I was always sitting still on the stationary bike. I’m going downhill, dude, mind your own business. ducky88, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 A Husband And Wife Went To Have Dinner At A 5-Star Restaurant. As the waiter comes with their food, the husband says, “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat it!” The wife reminds him, “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before eating our dinner!” The husband says, “That’s at home but here the chef knows how to cook food.” ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 My wife asked me why I call her 12? Dozen cook, dozen clean, dozen do anything. ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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