aum Posted June 10, 2023 Share Posted June 10, 2023 (edited) Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. Edited June 10, 2023 by aum ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 10, 2023 Share Posted June 10, 2023 How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away? ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 10, 2023 Share Posted June 10, 2023 ducky88 and flash13 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 11, 2023 Share Posted June 11, 2023 Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?" "22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job. About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest." ducky88, Karlston and flash13 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 11, 2023 Share Posted June 11, 2023 flash13, ducky88, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted June 11, 2023 Share Posted June 11, 2023 Karlston, aum, lurch234 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haris_sane69 Posted June 12, 2023 Share Posted June 12, 2023 aum 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 12, 2023 Share Posted June 12, 2023 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 12, 2023 Share Posted June 12, 2023 ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 12, 2023 Share Posted June 12, 2023 funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 12, 2023 Share Posted June 12, 2023 funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 12, 2023 Share Posted June 12, 2023 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 12, 2023 Share Posted June 12, 2023 A man finds a wallet with $700 in it. A few days later, he reads a notice stating that a wealthy man has lost his wallet and is offering a $50 reward to anyone who returns it: He soon locates the owner and gives him the wallet and the rich man counts the money and says. “I see you have already taken your reward.” The poor old man responds. “What are you talking about?” The wealthy man continues. “This wallet had $750 in it when I lost it.” The two men begin arguing, and eventually, they go to court to sort out their differences. Both men present their case, the poor man first, then the wealthy man who concludes by saying. “Your Honor, I trust you believe me.” The elderly Judge says. “Of course.” The rich man smiles and the old poor man is devastated. Then the Judge takes the wallet out of the wealthy man’s hands and gives it to the poor old man who found it. “What are you doing?” The rich man yells angrily. The elderly Judge responds: “You are, of course, an honest man and if you say that your missing wallet had $750 in it, I’m sure it did, but if the man who found this wallet is a liar and a thief, he wouldn’t have returned it at all, which means that this wallet must belong to somebody else. If that man steps forward, he’ll get the money, otherwise, it stays with the man who found it.” “What about my money?” The rich man asks. “Well, we’ll just have to wait until somebody finds your wallet with the $750 in it.” funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 12, 2023 Share Posted June 12, 2023 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. St. Peter asked them to identify themselves. One doctor stepped forward and said, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities." St. Peter said, "You can enter. "The second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves." St. Peter also invited him in. The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care." St. Peter said, "You can come in, too. "But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You can stay three days. After that, you can go to Hell." ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 What's the difference between being a lumberjack and any other job? You get the axe when you’re hired not fired. ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What's your name?" he asked the new guy. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ... That's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling." "Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . " ducky88, Archimede and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 ducky88, aum and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir? Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife. Waiter: Rare it is. Karlston, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 aum, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively "You've got great hair!" The man looked around but couldn't see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer. A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say "You're a handsome man!" The man looked around, but still couldn't see where the voice was coming from. When he went back to his beer, the voice said again "What a stud you are!" The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what was going on. The bartender said "Oh, it's the nuts they're complimentary. funkyy, lurch234 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 I told my wife, “Did you know Old McDonald’s farm has been taken over by Artificial Intelligence?” Her: AI? Me: AI. Her: Oh. ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 I have so much debt; I can start a government. sandman117, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?" After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up. "Well, good morning. So, you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked. The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself." funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 ducky88, aum, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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