aum Posted May 30, 2023 Share Posted May 30, 2023 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted May 30, 2023 Share Posted May 30, 2023 Ever been so happy your legs just fell off ? ducky88, TrojanK and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 30, 2023 Share Posted May 30, 2023 Wife asked, "Can you get some bleach, washing powder and some shake and vac while you're out?" "Can you not wait until you’ve opened your Birthday presents tomorrow?" ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 30, 2023 Share Posted May 30, 2023 An old man was sitting in a private box at a major football match with an empty seat next to him. A young enthusiast saw the empty seat and said to the old man, “Who on earth has paid for this expensive seat but not turned up they must be mad, do you mind if I sit here?” The old man sadly looked up and said, “For 50yrs I and my darling wife have sat together and watched every major final, but unfortunately she has passed away so I was unable to come, so you can gladly take her place if you like.” The young man thanked him for his kind generosity and sat beside the old man. The young man turned to him and said, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but as sad as your story is, I have to ask, have you not got any relatives, like a son or grandchild or nephew that you could if brought along with you?” The old man said, "Yes, I have, but they’ve all gone to the funeral. Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted May 30, 2023 Share Posted May 30, 2023 Dude must be a giant funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 31, 2023 Share Posted May 31, 2023 An 8 year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take your kid to work Day'. As they walked round the office she started crying and getting cranky. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathered round she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?" funkyy, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 1, 2023 Share Posted June 1, 2023 Look again funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 1, 2023 Share Posted June 1, 2023 Karlston, funkyy, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 1, 2023 Share Posted June 1, 2023 ducky88, Karlston and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 1, 2023 Share Posted June 1, 2023 Karlston, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 1, 2023 Share Posted June 1, 2023 Karlston, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 A man sees his buddy carrying a box. "What's that?" he ask. "Oh, I got a case of beer for my wife." Man nods sagely, "Good trade." funkyy, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 Interviewer: Would you mind explaining this 4-year gap on your resume? Me: I went to Yale during this time period. Interviewer: Wow, excellent! You’re hired! Me: Thank you! I really needed this yob! funkyy, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 Two men were having a slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said: “I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.” He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining: “I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress! Maybe you’d better go talk to them.” The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back and said: “Small world.” ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by Little Johnny’s house on her way home. She wanted to discuss his poor performance directly with his parents: When she rang the doorbell, Johnny answered. “Hello Johnny, I’d like to talk to your mother or father.” She said. “Sorry. but they ain’t here.” He replied.” She said. “what is it with your grammar?” “Haven’t got a clue,” Johnny replied. “But dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!” ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 3, 2023 Share Posted June 3, 2023 ducky88, leapinlizards, aum and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 3, 2023 Share Posted June 3, 2023 I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I read to the end and say, "Well, that's not going to happen." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 4, 2023 Share Posted June 4, 2023 I tried to re-marry my ex-wife. But she figured out I was only after my money! Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 4, 2023 Share Posted June 4, 2023 aum, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 5, 2023 Share Posted June 5, 2023 As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray? " One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets. We're one short." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 5, 2023 Share Posted June 5, 2023 So Moses is up on Mount Sinai and he says to God, "God, do I have a pounding headache!" And God says, "Here, take these two tablets." ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 5, 2023 Share Posted June 5, 2023 A man and his wife are grocery shopping. The man sees a case of beer on one of the shelves and puts it in the cart. “What are you doing?” asks his wife. “They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,” he responds. “Well, put it back. We can’t afford those.” Without another word, the man obeys his wife and puts the case back on the shelf. In the next aisle over, the wife sees a bottle of facial cream and puts it in the cart. “What are you doing?” the man asks. “It’s my face cream and it’s on sale for $20. It makes me look beautiful.” she replies. “So does a 24 pack of beer, and it’s half the price!” leapinlizards, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 5, 2023 Share Posted June 5, 2023 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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