Karlston Posted March 12, 2023 Share Posted March 12, 2023 funkyy, ducky88 and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 12, 2023 Share Posted March 12, 2023 A Father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies. To this his friend responds "Strange ambition to have for a career." "Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!" Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 12, 2023 Share Posted March 12, 2023 I went to France and took a dump in a street. Now I'm an accused merde horreur. ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted March 12, 2023 Share Posted March 12, 2023 Visited a farm in Australia with good sense of humour ducky88, aum, Disco Bob and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Bob Posted March 12, 2023 Share Posted March 12, 2023 Have you heard viagra now comes in a nasal spray ???. It's for dickheads !!!! lurch234, funkyy, pc71520 and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkyy Posted March 13, 2023 Share Posted March 13, 2023 Niagra Falls....Viagra Rises Disco Bob, pc71520, Karlston and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted March 13, 2023 Share Posted March 13, 2023 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted March 13, 2023 Share Posted March 13, 2023 A golfer took his tee shot and watched the ball sail into the woods. His next shot went into a few trees. He tried again and managed to hit the ball over the fairway and into more trees. Finally, after several more shots, he ended up in a sand trap. Throughout his ordeal, he was under the watchful eye of the local golf pro. "What club should I use on this shot?" he asked the pro. "I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?" Karlston, pc71520, funkyy and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 13, 2023 Share Posted March 13, 2023 Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes: Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings. ducky88, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 13, 2023 Share Posted March 13, 2023 A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of $10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "'Ask him where the $10 million bucks he embezzled from me is". The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is? The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about". The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about". The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again"! The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him"! The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Gino's backyard in Queens"! The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say"? The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger". Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 13, 2023 Share Posted March 13, 2023 A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking lad in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age. The circus owner tells them: I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment: chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them and rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life," He then turns to the young man and asks, "can you top that?" The young man replies. "No problem, just get that lion out of the way." Karlston, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 13, 2023 Share Posted March 13, 2023 Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, “Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn’t there!” “I know!” the next woman says,“Last night my husband said he was going to his brother’s house, but when I called he wasn’t there.” The third woman says, “I always know where my husband is.” “Impossible!” both women exclaim, “He has you completely fooled!” “Oh no,” says the woman. I’m a widow.” Disco Bob, funkyy, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted March 13, 2023 Share Posted March 13, 2023 aum, ducky88, Disco Bob and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 Disco Bob, ducky88, funkyy and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination but found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him. "Listen,” the doctor said, “if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you." "I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone." ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 Murphy and his wife went for a stroll in the park. They sit down on a bench to rest for awhile. Soon they overhear voices coming from a secluded spot nearby. Suddenly, Mrs. Murphy realizes that a young man is about to propose. Not wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment, she gently nudges her husband and whispers, "Whistle, to let that young couple know that someone can hear them." To which Murphy replies, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me?" ducky88, Karlston and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic. "This is a very special coffeecake," he explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, `Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery.' "And sure enough," he continued, "the eighth time around the block, there it was!" ducky88, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 "How the diet going?" "Not good, I had eggs for breakfast." "Scrambled?" "No, chocolate." Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 Dog Kit - Don't try to assemble it yourself! aum, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 The teacher asks Joanie, "If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter and another quarter and then another quarter, how much would you have left?" Joanie replies, "A million dollars minus 75 cents." Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 An elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing three eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 30 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "Why?" The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. The pastor felt that three poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for. She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1." Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 A father is in church with his three young children, including his five-year-old daughter. As was his custom, he sat on the very front row so that the children could better see all that was going on. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five-year-old girl was most enthralled by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant's head. With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked, "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?" ducky88, Karlston and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted March 16, 2023 Share Posted March 16, 2023 funkyy, aum and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted March 16, 2023 Share Posted March 16, 2023 Kyoto university in Japan, allows students to wear whatever they want to their graduation ceremony funkyy, ducky88 and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 17, 2023 Share Posted March 17, 2023 A man went to the doctor and said: “Doctor, I keep having visions of the future.” “When did these start?” “Next Thursday.” Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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