aum Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 funkyy and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 funkyy and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 (edited) Edited February 2, 2023 by aum Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 funkyy and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 Karlston and ducky88 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. St. Peter asked them to identify themselves. One doctor stepped forward and said, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities." St. Peter said, "You can enter." The second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves." St. Peter also invited him in. The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care." St. Peter said, "You can come in, too. "But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You can stay three days. After that, you can go to Hell." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. “Ever have an accident?” “Nope, nary a one.” “None? You’ve never had any accidents.” “Nope. Ain’t had one. Never.” “Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn’t you consider that an accident?” “Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.” ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 funkyy, ducky88 and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Bob Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 ducky88, funkyy, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 3, 2023 Share Posted February 3, 2023 Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I was taking it out or putting it away." The second lady said, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs, and I can't remember whether I was on my up, or on my way down." The third lady chimed in, "Well, I'm glad I don't have those problems. Knock on wood." With that, she rapped her knuckles on the table, then said, "That must be the door. I'll get it." ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 3, 2023 Share Posted February 3, 2023 Q: Why is air a lot like sex? A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 3, 2023 Share Posted February 3, 2023 Spoiler Hell is a town in Norway aum, lurch234, ducky88 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 3, 2023 Share Posted February 3, 2023 funkyy, ducky88, Disco Bob and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart 50° Fahrenheit (10° C) · Californians shiver uncontrollably. · Canadians plant gardens. 35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C) · Italian Cars won't start · Canadians drive with the windows down 32° Fahrenheit (0° C) · American water freezes · Canadian water gets thicker. 0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C) · New York City landlords finally turn on the heat. · Canadians have the last cookout of the season. -60° Fahrenheit (-51° C) · Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. · Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door. -109.9° Fahrenheit (-78.5° C) · Carbon dioxide freezes makes dry ice. · Canadians pull down their earflaps. -173° Fahrenheit (-114° C) · Ethyl alcohol freezes. · Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg -459.67° Fahrenheit (-273.15° C) · Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops. · Canadians start saying "cold, eh?" -500° Fahrenheit (-295° C) · Hell freezes over. · The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup aum, lurch234 and vitorio 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 9 hours ago, ducky88 said: -500° Fahrenheit (-295° C) · Hell freezes over. · The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup That was put in the right order. Hell will freeze over before that happens!! ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 Karlston, Disco Bob, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 5, 2023 Share Posted February 5, 2023 In case you were wondering... ducky88, funkyy and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 5, 2023 Share Posted February 5, 2023 Husband: Honey, I broke a glass in the kitchen. Wife: I am coming with the broom. Husband: It’s not urgent. You can come on foot. funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 5, 2023 Share Posted February 5, 2023 A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around. During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!" A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's like a completely different place--the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!" "Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!" funkyy, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 5, 2023 Share Posted February 5, 2023 These fellas look highly suspicious, also the car may be stolen... Not sure if I should report it or not ... funkyy, ducky88, leapinlizards and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 6, 2023 Share Posted February 6, 2023 The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. 'This,' he said, 'is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it.' A smart aleck who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and asked, 'Where is my father?' There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task. Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the laser printer printed out a piece of paper: 'Fishing off Florida.' The smart aleck laughed, 'Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question.' The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps a rewording of the question might work better. The smartaleck said to the Ultimate Computer, 'Where is my mother's husband?' Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the room. After a moment, the laser printer whirred to life. The paper said, 'Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida.' funkyy, Karlston, leapinlizards and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 6, 2023 Share Posted February 6, 2023 funkyy, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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