aum Posted January 29, 2023 Share Posted January 29, 2023 A cowboy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, and make it quick!" The bartender pours out the shots, and the cowboy drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender remarks, "I've never seen anybody drink that fast!" The cowboy replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too if you had what I have." "What's that?" asks the bartender. "Only fifty cents!" ducky88, leapinlizards and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 29, 2023 Share Posted January 29, 2023 Oh, now I know what that is for. Because knowing is half the battle! Disco Bob, funkyy, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 29, 2023 Share Posted January 29, 2023 A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?" The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing." "Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now." Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 Most people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. lurch234, Karlston, Disco Bob and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 Q: What is a Cat's favorite Car? A: CAT-illac. Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 Teacher: "I have went. That's wrong isn't it?" Little Johnny: "Yes ma'am." Teacher: "Why is it wrong?" Little Johnny: "Because you ain't went yet." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. Pastor Mike was looking at the nativity scene outside when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the figures. Immediately, Pastor Mike turned towards the church to call the police. But as he was about to do so, he saw little Jimmy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. Pastor Mike walked up to Jimmy and said, "Well, Jimmy, where did you get the little infant?" Jimmy replied, "I got him from the church." "And why did you take him?" With a sheepish smile, Jimmy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to little Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it." ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 Worried that they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the apartment next door, the mother said to her son, "Tony, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Pierpoint is?" A few minutes later, Tony returned. "Well, is she all right?" asked the mother. "She's fine, but she's rather annoyed with you," remarked Tony. "At me?" the mother exclaimed. "Whatever for?" Tony replied, "Mrs. Pierpoint said it's none of your business how old she is." Karlston, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 My friend got this concerned note through her letterbox this morning ducky88, aum and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 ducky88, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 31, 2023 Share Posted January 31, 2023 ducky88, lurch234 and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before. Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?" "I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm." The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?" The woman nodded, "Pepper." leapinlizards, lurch234 and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 aum, ducky88, Akaneharuka and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akaneharuka Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 Disco Bob, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 The judge reviews the divorce case very carefully and issues his judgement. "Mr Smith, I am going to give your wife $750 a month." Mr. Smith's replies, "That's very nice of you, judge. And every once in a while I will send her a little extra too." leapinlizards, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 Finding one of her students making faces at thers on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned." leapinlizards, syd5237, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 My daughter told me we only had a little milk left in the fridge ducky88 and aum 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 “I lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday because Monday to Friday are weak days.” funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 ducky88, Karlston and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 ducky88, Karlston and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 funkyy and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 funkyy and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.