[JOTD] Joke of the day

[aum]

[aum]

[aum]

[aum]

Edited January 24, 2023 by aum

[aum]

Edited January 24, 2023 by aum

[ducky88]

DATING IN THE 60s

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960, and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
'Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink?
Lemonade? tea?'
'Tea, please,' Fred said. Mum brought the tea.
'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?' she asked.
'Oh, probably watch a film, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the milk bar, maybe take a walk on the beach.'
'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mum informed him.
'Really?' Fred replied; eyebrows raised.
'Oh yes,' mother continued, 'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!'
'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous.
'Yes,' said the mother.
'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail.
She greeted Fred.
'Have fun, kids!' mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
'The Twist, Mum!' she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen.
'The bloody dance is called the .....Twist!'

[pc71520]

[aum]

The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.

 

"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."

 

"Okay," the patient said. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor who's sober?"

 

[aum]

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.

He says "What's this?"

She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He says, "Jeez...oooh....I..."

She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

[pc71520]

[aum]

I was out with my young daughter and ran into a friend I'd not seen in years.

"This is Beth," I said, introducing my kid.

"And what's Beth short for?" he asked.

"Because she's only three," I answered.

 

[pc71520]

What’s the one thing will you get

every year

on your birthday,

guaranteed?

 

A year older.  

 

[Karlston]

Tactical camel

[Karlston]

Sky Cinema's programming schedule for 2nd February

[Dce3480]

Popcorn 1$ no keep the chain bass player!

[funkyy]

 ^{Scottish dog wants OUT!!!!}      

 

^{I forget how to insert an image here lol.}

Edited January 28, 2023 by funkyy

[lurch234]

1 hour ago, funkyy said:

^{I forget how to insert an image here lol.}

Lol! Right click your pic and choose copy image link. Just paste it after.

 

[ducky88]

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quick bout of love making'
with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the
balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.
'An ambulance just drove by!'
'Looks like the Anderson 's have company,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on his skate board!
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having a root!!'
Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!
Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know that?'
'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar'!

[pc71520]

[Disco Bob]

[Karlston]

I found where Wile E. Coyote ordered all of his contraptions from

[lurch234]

[pc71520]

[aum]

Q: Why didn't Cain please God?

 

A: Because he just wasn't Able.

 

[aum]

Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion.

When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johnny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating,

"If I don't eat, I don't pay!"