pc71520 Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair. Therefore, she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!!!” ducky88, funkyy, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 There are two nine story buildings neighboring each other. One neighbor yells to the other neighbor of the opposite building: “Hey Michael, when is your birthday?” One neighbor yells to the other neighbor. “May, Why do you ask Alex?” The second neighbor asks in return. “Because I know exactly a gift for you.” “Ok, and what will it be?” “Since we can see everything every time your wife xlows you, I’ll be more than happy to provide you with window curtains.” “Fine, and when is your birthday?” The second neighbor asks the other neighbor’s first question. “July, why do you ask Michael?” “It seems to me that I found a perfect gift for you as well.” “And what will it be?” “Binoculars of course. That way you would finally be able to recognize whose wife that woman is.” funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 funkyy, pc71520, ducky88 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 A lady noticed her friend was wearing her wedding ring on the wrong finger so she asked, "Why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" Her friend replied, "Because I married the wrong man!" lurch234, aum, pc71520 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 (edited) John goes onto a rooftop bar and sits next to another guy who says he is drinking a magical drink. John asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The other guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. After John orders the same drink, he drives a car, but falls off and dies!!! The bartender shakes his head and says, “You know, you’re a real Jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.” Edited January 10, 2023 by pc71520 ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 Boyfriend: I will never lie to you, dear. Girlfriend: How sweet! Boyfriend: Now you tell me a lie. Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 Two natural gas company service personnel, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of an alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. When they finished, the senior supervisor, proud of his physical condition, challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race back to their truck. As they approached the truck, they realized that the woman from the last house they checked was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I saw two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run, too!" ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 This seems like a completely legitimate and high quality contractor who I'd want to hire. lurch234, aum and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akaneharuka Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 Where do Cucumbers go for a Date? At the Salad Bar. flash13, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his life and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” His son asked, “But what happened to the flea?” Karlston, ducky88 and flash13 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 Who hurt the milk-man? aum, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 11, 2023 Share Posted January 11, 2023 Flying aum, flash13, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted January 12, 2023 Share Posted January 12, 2023 “Poor old fool,” thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fishing in a puddle outside a pub. The gentleman invited the old man inside for a drink. Then, the gentleman asked, “So, how many have you caught today? ”The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.” Karlston, ducky88 and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 12, 2023 Share Posted January 12, 2023 A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, soda, and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?" One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size." The moral of this story: Even when the man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong. ducky88, flash13, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 12, 2023 Share Posted January 12, 2023 We're sorry you found the cancellation process aum, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted January 12, 2023 Share Posted January 12, 2023 I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted “CRAZY” then he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was “CRAZY” and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, “What are you doing?” I told him I was a light bulb. He said, “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.” I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her, “And where do you think you’re going?” She said, “I’m going home too, I can’t work in the dark." aum, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted January 13, 2023 Share Posted January 13, 2023 Every weekend, I tell myself... “John, you need to quit drinking” Good thing...my Name is not John… Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 13, 2023 Share Posted January 13, 2023 Pickpocket (visiting friend in jail): "I hired a lawyer for you this morning, Samy, but I had to hand him my Rolex as a retainer." Samy: "Did he keep it?" Pickpocket: "He thinks he did." ducky88, pc71520 and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 13, 2023 Share Posted January 13, 2023 Found this on Amazon ducky88, funkyy and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted January 14, 2023 Share Posted January 14, 2023 Housework will not kill you. But why take the chance? funkyy, ducky88, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 14, 2023 Share Posted January 14, 2023 I thought I lost $350 and then three months later I found it in my four year old's room funkyy, ducky88, pc71520 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted January 15, 2023 Share Posted January 15, 2023 Man: Waiter, will you try the soup? Waiter: What's wrong Sir, is it too cold? Man: Will you just try the soup. Waiter: Is it too hot? Man: Will you just try the soup Waiter: Is it too spicy, Sir? Man: Will you just try the damned soup son Waiter: If there is something wrong with the soup... Man: WILL YOU JUST TRY THE SOUP! Waiter: FINE! I'll try the soup. Where's the spoon. Man: Exactly. Karlston, pc71520 and aum 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted January 15, 2023 Share Posted January 15, 2023 Did I ever tell you about the man with the flashlight in his ear? He was light-headed! ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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