aum Posted December 25, 2022 Share Posted December 25, 2022 (edited) Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of Heaven. "Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked. "I could eat," said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka. The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he was hungry, and Seymour again said, "I could eat." Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy and chocolates. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. Meekly, Seymour said, "Lord, I am very happy to be in Heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is Heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the other Place, they eat like Kings. I just don't understand." "To be honest, Seymour," the Lord said, "for just two people, does it pay to cook?" Edited December 26, 2022 by aum ducky88 and pc71520 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Disco Bob Posted December 26, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted December 26, 2022 sandman117, ducky88, TrojanK and 5 others 1 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted December 26, 2022 Share Posted December 26, 2022 As far as "half full" vs. "half empty" goes, all I have to say is if the glass has beer in it, "it's too damn small!" Karlston, pc71520 and aum 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 26, 2022 Share Posted December 26, 2022 A Vincent Van Gogh painting was stolen from a Dutch museum this weekend. Now, it is Vincent Van Gone... ducky88, Karlston and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 26, 2022 Share Posted December 26, 2022 After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had." Karlston, franco46 and ducky88 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 26, 2022 Share Posted December 26, 2022 funkyy, syd5237, ducky88 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 26, 2022 Share Posted December 26, 2022 my uncle scolded my aunt's dog and now she looks at him like this aum, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 27, 2022 Share Posted December 27, 2022 Why wouldn’t you want to get into a Fight with Santa? Because, he has a Black Belt... Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 27, 2022 Share Posted December 27, 2022 What do you call a person that is Happy on Monday? Retired! Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 27, 2022 Share Posted December 27, 2022 A man was watching TV and enjoying a beer. "Don't go," he yelled at the screen. "Do not enter that building. Walk away. Argh, you stupid man!" His wife called from the kitchen, "What on earth are you watching?" "Our wedding video." funkyy, syd5237, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 27, 2022 Share Posted December 27, 2022 Ready in 3...2...1 CHEESE!! TrojanK, pc71520, aum and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 28, 2022 Share Posted December 28, 2022 ducky88, pc71520 and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 29, 2022 Share Posted December 29, 2022 What do you call a singing & dancing Elf? Elfis. ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 29, 2022 Share Posted December 29, 2022 A little boy had been pawing over the stock of greeting cards at a stationery store. After a few minutes the clerk became curious and asked, "Just what is it you're looking for, sonny? Birthday greeting? Message to a sick friend? Anniversary congratulations to your mom and dad?" The boy shook his head, "No." "Then what kind of card is it that you want?" asked the clerk. The boy answered wistfully, "Got anything in the line of blank report cards?" Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 29, 2022 Share Posted December 29, 2022 Imagine being in line at Starbucks glancing up to misunderstand what was taking place. 🤦🏽♂️ My first initial thought on God was… “Put it in reverse Terry. Put it in reverse.” 😂 aum, funkyy, pc71520 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 A job applicant was asked, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?" "Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality--sometimes I have a little trouble telling what's real from what's not." "Okay," said the interviewer. "And what are your strengths?" "I'm Batman." Karlston, pc71520 and aum 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 What did one Christmas Tree say to the other one? Lighten up! ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 Every year I give my wife a hunky guy calendar with my face pasted on all the guys… funkyy, ducky88 and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 Accurate holiday season ducky88 and aum 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve? Times Square. Karlston and aum 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 Why didn't the Snowman go to the party on New Year's Eve? He wanted to chill out. Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 It's getting kinky at your local bakeries leapinlizards, ducky88, pc71520 and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted January 1, 2023 Share Posted January 1, 2023 Knock, knock. Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby New Year !! Karlston, aum and pc71520 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 1, 2023 Share Posted January 1, 2023 ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 1, 2023 Share Posted January 1, 2023 The year is 2023... Everything is better and it all worked out. vitorio, ducky88 and pc71520 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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