ducky88 Posted December 22, 2022 Share Posted December 22, 2022 You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger lurch234, pc71520, aum and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 22, 2022 Share Posted December 22, 2022 My Wife and I were happy for 26 years! And then, we met... Karlston, lurch234, Disco Bob and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 22, 2022 Share Posted December 22, 2022 ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 22, 2022 Share Posted December 22, 2022 ducky88, aum and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 22, 2022 Share Posted December 22, 2022 Oopsies! ducky88, funkyy and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Bob Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 ME : " what would u like for Christmas ??? " Wife : " A divorce, " ME : " ffs i not spending that much !!!! ducky88, Karlston, Radpop and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate. "You can't do that," argued my four-year-old. "Don't worry. Santa will never know." He shot me a look. "So he knows if I've been bad or good, but he doesn't know the cookie fell on the floor?" Karlston, lurch234, funkyy and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 7 hours ago, ducky88 said: He shot me a look. "So he knows if I've been bad or good, but he doesn't know the cookie fell on the floor?" Good luck raising that one... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as "Rocky" in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more. "Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep several minutes ago?" I asked. "Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back three more times tonight too." ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run but there were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the bottle and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas Santa. Isn’t it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn’t it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?” Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 Boss to the new Hires: "Don't think of me as your Boss. Think of me as a Friend who can Fire you." Disco Bob, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 No comment funkyy, ducky88, Disco Bob and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 23, 2022 Share Posted December 23, 2022 My wife couldn’t open the bag, so this was her solution when she bought the potato ducky88 and aum 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard funkyy, aum and Disco Bob 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akaneharuka Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 Karlston, funkyy, ducky88 and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 What did one Wall say to the other one? I'll meet you at the...Corner... ducky88, Karlston and Disco Bob 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 There are three kinds of men in this world: Some remain single and make wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen. The rest get married and wonder what happened? ducky88, Disco Bob, Karlston and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 A man went to his lawyer and said "I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it." The lawyer says "No problem, leave it all to me". The man looks somewhat upset. "Well I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I'd like to leave a little to my children too! Karlston, syd5237, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 Karlston, ducky88, franco46 and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 Christmas in Hawai’i Merry Christmas to all nSaners 🎄 🎅 🤶 franco46, funkyy, Akaneharuka and 3 others 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted December 25, 2022 Share Posted December 25, 2022 Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled Karlston and aum 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 25, 2022 Share Posted December 25, 2022 What is the Nationality of Santa Claus? North Polish... Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 25, 2022 Share Posted December 25, 2022 My friend Jim told me that when he asked his wife where she wanted to go on vacation, she said that being married to him was a vacation. When I commented that was a nice thing to say to him, Jim replied, "Well, actually, what she said was I was the 'last resort.'" TrojanK, franco46, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 25, 2022 Share Posted December 25, 2022 A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?" kaloo1995, franco46, TrojanK and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 25, 2022 Share Posted December 25, 2022 The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas presents with her maid. “Now what about the butler?” the rich woman said. “A set of wine glasses?” the maid suggested. The woman frowned icily. “He doesn’t really need that. A butler never entertains. He’ll get a tie.” The maid grimaced, but said only, “What about a dress for Jenny, the serving girl?” The woman frowned again. “She doesn’t really need a new dress. She’ll only get in trouble. We’ll get her another apron.” The conversation continued in the same vein, and the maid was chafing At her employer’s arrogance when they reached her husband. “I assume you want to get him something he really needs, madam?” the maid replied. “Of course,” the woman replied. “Then what about three more inches?”, said the maid. ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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