aum Posted December 18, 2022 Share Posted December 18, 2022 Forgive me father, pastor, vicar, padre, priest... Forgive me, for I have synonymed. ducky88, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 18, 2022 Share Posted December 18, 2022 A film crew is on location in Kenya, when a tribal shaman approaches the director and says, "Tomorrow rain." The director pays no attention, but the following day it pours and shooting has to be delayed. That night, the director sends his assistant to bring the shaman back. "What will be the weather tomorrow?" asks the director. "Bigger rain tomorrow, much wind," and sure enough a terrible storm once again delays the filming. But then the witch doctor disappears for a week and the director, now depending on him, sends his people out to find him and bring him back to camp. Finally, he is located and brought to the director's tent. "What will be the weather tomorrow?" asks the director in desperation. "No idea," says the shaman, "Radio batteries dead." Karlston, TrojanK, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted December 18, 2022 Share Posted December 18, 2022 A man was telling his friend that men could have children. "No way!" says the friend. "Who told you that!?" "My wife did" replies the other. "She said two of the six kids are mine!" funkyy, Karlston, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danielson Posted December 18, 2022 Share Posted December 18, 2022 A lady walks over to see the parish priest. Asks him if he could do a funeral service for her dead cat. To which he replied: "We don't do animal funerals here lady. One of those churches down the road will tho." And the lady then continued... "but Father, even if we make a $5,000 donation?" Oh lady! You didn't tell me your cat was Catholic! lurch234, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 18, 2022 Share Posted December 18, 2022 Funny looking bird. pc71520, ducky88, aum and 3 others 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple! aum, Karlston, pc71520 and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 Son: "Dad, I'm in love with a girl!" Father : "That's great son. Who is she?" Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter". Father : "I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister!" The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later: Son : "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!" Father : "Really? Who is she?" Son: "It's Jane, the other neighbor's daughter." Father : "Damn! I wish you hadn't said that. Jane is also your sister." This went on couple of times and the son was so mad that he went straight to his mother crying!!! Son : "Mommy, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because daddy is their father!" The mother hugs him affectionately and says: "My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father !!!" funkyy, Karlston, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes into pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can’t help himself and asks Bubba what his secret is. “Well,” says Bubba, “Every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my manhood on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!” The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his manhood and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, “Bubba? Is that you?” funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 What the hell is this aum, lurch234 and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 And you thought cable management was bad... ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted December 20, 2022 Share Posted December 20, 2022 How is the alphabet different on Christmas from every other day? There's Noel aum, lurch234 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 20, 2022 Share Posted December 20, 2022 Wife: “Tell me something nice, honey.” Husband: “I will go to the Fridge and get some Beer.” Wife: “No, I meant something nice about me.” Husband: “You go to the Fridge and get me some Beer.” Disco Bob, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 20, 2022 Share Posted December 20, 2022 Verbal diarrhea: losing control of one's vowels, also a sign of in-consonants. ducky88, Karlston, pc71520 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 20, 2022 Share Posted December 20, 2022 Teacher: "Why are you late this morning?" Student: "Its my alarm clock. Everyone got up except me!" Teacher: How did the alarm clock make you the only one not to get up?" Student: "There are eight of us in the my family and the alarm clock was only set for seven." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 20, 2022 Share Posted December 20, 2022 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.” Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 20, 2022 Share Posted December 20, 2022 Delta Passenger Puts Down Mattress And Goes To Sleep At The Gate ducky88, pc71520 and aum 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akaneharuka Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 funkyy, lurch234, ducky88 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa Claus when she looked up in the sky? Looks like rain, dear! Disco Bob, pc71520, Karlston and 3 others 1 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 Want to hear a Pizza joke? Nah, it's too...Cheesy. ducky88, kaloo1995, Disco Bob and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?" "It's called the door!" Karlston, pc71520, ducky88 and 2 others 2 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 The little sexy housewife was having her TV repaired. The TV repairman couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he’d near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her. When he’d finished she paid him and said. “I’m going to make a well unusual request. But you have to first promise me you’ll keep it a secret.” The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. “Well, it’s kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man sigh he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I’m a woman and you’re a man.” The repairman could hardly speak. “Yes! Yes!” “And since I’ve been wanting to ever since you came in the door.” “Yes; yes!” “Would you help me move the refrigerator?” pc71520, ducky88 and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rainmaker Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 // R Karlston, pc71520, ducky88 and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Karlston Posted December 21, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted December 21, 2022 Found this in my local store pc71520, Akaneharuka, funkyy and 5 others 1 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 Sign on the back of a local restaurant Rainmaker, ducky88, funkyy and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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