aum Posted December 6, 2022 Share Posted December 6, 2022 Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill." Karlston, ducky88 and pc71520 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 6, 2022 Share Posted December 6, 2022 Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place. "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money." ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 6, 2022 Share Posted December 6, 2022 A bidet on the coast pc71520, ducky88, aum and 2 others 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 6, 2022 Share Posted December 6, 2022 It is going to be our first Christmas with our cat, Mr. Gray. I'm not leaving it up to chances. Spoiler (They've got a lot more to learn about cats) aum and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 A Scholar, a Bald man, and a Barber, travelling together. Each agreed to watch four hours at night for the sake of security. The Barber’s lot came first. The Barber shaved the Scholar’s Head when asleep. Then, the Barber waked the Scholar as the Scholar’s turn to watch came. The Scholar, scratching his head, and feeling it Bald, exclaimed: ‘You wretch of a Barber, you have waked the Bald man, instead of me!’ Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 "I've been racking my brains, but I can't place you,” one man said to another at a gathering. “And you look very much like somebody I have seen a lot—somebody I don't like, but I can't tell you why. Isn't that strange?” "Nothing strange about it,” the other man said. “You have seen me a lot, and I know why you resent me. For two years I passed the collection plate in your church.” Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 The teacher of the Earth Science class was lecturing on map reading. He spent the class explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes. Towards the end of class, the teacher asked his students, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude." A student's voice broke the confused silence, and volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone, sir." ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 ducky88, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 Karlston, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 A woman walks into the house and tells her husband: "Pack your bags, I just won the lottery!" He says: "Where are we going?" She says: "I don't give a damn where you go...Just get the heck out!" aum, pc71520, TrojanK and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 My brother in his new apartment vitorio, funkyy, pc71520 and 2 others 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 Two guys are talking in a bar: - "My ex-girlfriend used to treat me like piece of Meat" complained the guy who had just broke up with her. - "How come?" replies the other guy. -"She was a Vegan and refused to touch me!" ducky88, Karlston, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 Mom: "Little Johnny, why are you taking your ruler to bed with you?" Little Johnny: "To see how long I sleep." pc71520, funkyy, Karlston and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 This sign on the door of a local business ducky88, funkyy, aum and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 An Amnesiac walks into a Bar. He goes up to a gorgeous Blonde and says to her: “So, do I come, here, often?” leapinlizards, ducky88 and funkyy 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 Walter is not pregnant! aum, TrojanK, ducky88 and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends and family about drinking and driving. As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends. Well two days ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home. Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it. TrojanK, aum, funkyy and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 Why can’t a Leopard Hide? Because, he/she is always...Spotted !!! Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 I’m ready for the next pandemic aum, danielson and ducky88 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 11, 2022 Share Posted December 11, 2022 How did Benjamin Franklin feel holding his Kite when he discovered Electricity? Shocked! Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 11, 2022 Share Posted December 11, 2022 A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?" funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 11, 2022 Share Posted December 11, 2022 1st Grade maths is hard! aum, ducky88, vitorio and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted December 12, 2022 Share Posted December 12, 2022 Peter's Computer - Desktop Cleanup funkyy, ducky88 and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 12, 2022 Share Posted December 12, 2022 An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears. The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: “Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!” He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: “Well, how was that?” The Airbus pilot answers: “Very impressive, but watch this!” The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, “Well, how was that? Confused, the jet pilot asks, “What did you do?” The AirBus pilot laughs and says: “I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.” The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seem to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important. This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter. Karlston, funkyy, TrojanK and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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