Homer Simpsom Posted August 5, 2022 Share Posted August 5, 2022 1 hour ago, aum said: This tag is only there because someone washed the shirt with the kid still wearing it. Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 5, 2022 Share Posted August 5, 2022 aum, Homer Simpsom, lurch234 and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted August 6, 2022 Share Posted August 6, 2022 aum, Karlston, ducky88 and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted August 6, 2022 Share Posted August 6, 2022 Gentlemen, I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago. Yours truly, Patrick Finnegan Dear Mr. Finnegan, We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot. Sincerely, Irish Railway Company Gentlemen, I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of Numbers Chapter 22, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass. That.... Gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years! Yours truly, Patrick Finnegan. Karlston, funkyy, vitorio and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 6, 2022 Share Posted August 6, 2022 The company I work for has portraits of the founders and I think one of them may be Robin Williams' great-great-grandmother! lurch234, aum, funkyy and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Karlston Posted August 6, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted August 6, 2022 Best Dang Graffiti Artist out there aum, leapinlizards, Homer Simpsom and 4 others 4 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 7, 2022 Share Posted August 7, 2022 During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level. He described a typical day this way: 'Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.' Inspired by the story, the doctor said, 'You must be one hell of an outdoors man!' 'NAH,' he replied, 'I'm just a shitty golfer.' ducky88, TrojanK, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 7, 2022 Share Posted August 7, 2022 Perfect! ducky88, TrojanK, aum and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 7, 2022 Share Posted August 7, 2022 people who take selfies with tablets ducky88, TrojanK, aum and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted August 8, 2022 Share Posted August 8, 2022 I'm giving up drinking for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I'm giving up. Drinking for a month. Homer Simpsom, aum, leapinlizards and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 8, 2022 Share Posted August 8, 2022 A friend of mine got kidnapped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to him! ducky88, Karlston, lurch234 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 8, 2022 Share Posted August 8, 2022 A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday to spend the day hiking in the wilderness. Rounding a sharp bend in the trail, he collided with a bear and was sent tumbling down a steep grade. He landed on a rock and broke both legs. With the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, the preacher prayed, "O Lord, I'm so sorry for skipping services today. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish--make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me!" At that very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to his knees, clasped his paws together, and began to pray aloud at the preacher's feet: "Dear God, please bless this food I am about to receive." Homer Simpsom, lurch234, leapinlizards and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 8, 2022 Share Posted August 8, 2022 Karlston, Homer Simpsom, funkyy and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 8, 2022 Share Posted August 8, 2022 I'm feeling generous today TrojanK, lurch234, aum and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 8, 2022 Share Posted August 8, 2022 What is this leapinlizards, aum, lurch234 and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rainmaker Posted August 8, 2022 Share Posted August 8, 2022 // R aum, funkyy, Karlston and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 9, 2022 Share Posted August 9, 2022 A rich old man dies and his three sons inherit his estate. One’s a doctor, one’s a lawyer, and one’s a priest. His dying request to the three of them is that to show their gratitude for all the money he’s leaving them, he wants each to take out $10,000 and put it in his coffin. The day of the funeral comes, and each of the sons dutifully puts a paper bag in the old man’s casket. They meet up for a drink later. The priest shamefacedly confesses: “I couldn’t sleep a wink last night, thinking of all the good our church could do with $10,000. Finally, I decided to just put some wadded-up newspaper in there. Surely dad would understand!” The doctor sighs in relief. “I’m so glad you said that! I couldn’t stop thinking about the life-saving equipment our hospital could buy for $10,000, so I also just put some newspaper in the bag. He’ll never know the difference.” The lawyer wipes his mouth and frowns. “I’m ashamed of you both. Really, I can’t believe you guys! It was dad’s last request!” “So, you actually put the money in?” “Of course! My bag contained my personal check for $10,000!” Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 9, 2022 Share Posted August 9, 2022 Don't pet the fluffy assault cows aum, ducky88 and Homer Simpsom 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted August 10, 2022 Share Posted August 10, 2022 A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes; the second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes; the following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened. The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes, the second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes, but, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up... Karlston, aum, andy2004 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 10, 2022 Share Posted August 10, 2022 A building contractor in Botswana ducky88, lurch234, funkyy and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post aum Posted August 11, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted August 11, 2022 The husband comes home and is worried because he has a scratch on his chest caused by a fingernail from his mistress, opens the door sees the cat asleep on the couch and gives him a tremendous kick. The cat “screams” a loud meow and runs out the door. The wife comes into the living room and asks what happened and he angrily replied: This cat seems crazy, I was walking in and, just like that, he jumped on me and scratched me in the chest. Look at that hell of a scratch! The woman replied: You did very well, today this f*cker has bitten my a$s and gave me one hell of a hickey on my neck. funkyy, scarabou, TrojanK and 5 others 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 11, 2022 Share Posted August 11, 2022 scarabou, funkyy, TrojanK and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted August 12, 2022 Share Posted August 12, 2022 1979 2022 Long Hair Longing for Hair KEG EKG Acid Rock Acid Reflux Seeds and Stems Fiber Hoping for a BMW Hoping for a BM Going to a new Hip Joint Getting a new Hip Joint Rolling Stones Kidney Stones Disco Costco Whatever Depends aum, Karlston, leapinlizards and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post aum Posted August 12, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted August 12, 2022 Mom was trying to get her son to get out of bed and get ready for school. "I am not going to school!" the son responded defiantly. "Why not?" Mom wanted to know. "Well, first of all I hate school and second of all the kid all hate me!!" was the answer. "Son, that's not good reasons; you will have to get up and ready for school!" Mom replied. "Well, give me two good reasons why I should," the son said. "Well," Mom said quietly, "First of all you are 52 years old and second of all You are the Principal." scarabou, TrojanK, Karlston and 6 others 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 12, 2022 Share Posted August 12, 2022 A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners. "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.." funkyy, leapinlizards, TrojanK and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.