Karlston Posted July 24, 2022 Share Posted July 24, 2022 ducky88, TrojanK, aum and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 (edited) Edited July 31, 2022 by Dce3480 lurch234 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 A man walked up to the counter of an auto-part store. "Excuse me," he said, "I'd like to get a new gas cap for my Yugo." "Sure," the clerk replied. "Sounds like a fair exchange to me." lurch234, ducky88 and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half- owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several months. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her simply to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it" he said. The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without." funkyy, Karlston, lurch234 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 Buy the dog something to make him look mean.... and this is what my wife bought ducky88, aum and Homer Simpsom 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. lurch234, Karlston and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andy2004 Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 13 hours ago, ducky88 said: Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. try again... Homo habilis before homo erectus and homo sapiens.. when they learned to use stones and sticks. lurch234 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6 come out before 1, 2, and 3? In charge of the release dates, Yoda was. andy2004, Karlston, lurch234 and 2 others 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 A wife was in bed with her lover, when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.” The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?” “You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there. The husband climbed out of bed and counted. One, two, three, four. Damn, you’re right. funkyy, Lexionline, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 26, 2022 Share Posted July 26, 2022 aum, funkyy, Homer Simpsom and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 27, 2022 Share Posted July 27, 2022 aum and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 27, 2022 Share Posted July 27, 2022 How my girlfriend ‘handled’ a spider, and is too scared to clean it up. TrojanK, funkyy, ducky88 and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 28, 2022 Share Posted July 28, 2022 A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?" The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize." "How?" asks the man, puzzled. "Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field." lurch234, Karlston, ducky88 and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andy2004 Posted July 28, 2022 Share Posted July 28, 2022 On 7/26/2022 at 4:26 PM, aum said: Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6 come out before 1, 2, and 3? In charge of the release dates, Yoda was. actually 4 5 and 6 where made before 1 2 and 3.., as 4 5 6 where the original movies.. 123 where prequels.. 4 which was no.1 was made in 1975.. 5 and 6 followed.. then some bright spark decided to move 1.2.3 forward and have a who was darth vader before he became and how did he become.. so 1 was created when he was a boy.. followed by 2 attacks of the clones., and then 3. when luke kills vader in 4? or was it 5?... when he finds out SPOILER.. and then the new actor in 1 is replaced at the party scene.. would be funny to see all the actors standing next to each other.. and for LUKE to say the young actor to his left/right is his father in the movie. 18 hours ago, Karlston said: wonder if it comes out the same colour as it goes in. lurch234 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 28, 2022 Share Posted July 28, 2022 the surfer guy down at the local beach got a pet llama ducky88 and lurch234 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 28, 2022 Share Posted July 28, 2022 What exactly am I supposed to do here? aum, ducky88 and lurch234 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted July 28, 2022 Share Posted July 28, 2022 2 hours ago, Karlston said: the surfer guy down at the local beach got a pet llama Strange. I thought he was the surfer guy... Karlston and funkyy 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted July 28, 2022 Share Posted July 28, 2022 On 7/26/2022 at 7:51 PM, Karlston said: Our zootherapist put this last halloween on her yard. aum, funkyy, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 29, 2022 Share Posted July 29, 2022 scarabou, aum, funkyy and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 29, 2022 Share Posted July 29, 2022 I bought a new toilet brush, but it was missing something. So, I fixed it. scarabou, TrojanK, Matrix and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble aum, Karlston, lurch234 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 (edited) Edited July 31, 2022 by Dce3480 lurch234 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 aum, lurch234, andy2004 and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 31, 2022 Share Posted July 31, 2022 A priest and an astronomer find themselves sitting together on a night flight. After introductions and a long gaze out the window, the astronomer asks the priest, "Can't all religions be summed up by stating the Golden Rule?" The priest pauses a bit and asks the astronomer, "Can't all astronomy be summed up by singing ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’?” ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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