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[JOTD] Joke of the day


rudrax

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A man walked up to the counter of an auto-part store.

 

"Excuse me," he said, "I'd like to get a new gas cap for my Yugo."


"Sure," the clerk replied. "Sounds like a fair exchange to me."
 

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A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.

 

"I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."


The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."


"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."


"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."


"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half- owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"


"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

 

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A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several months.

 

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her simply to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.


One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it" he said.
The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.


On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
 

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Buy the dog something to make him look mean.... and this is what my wife bought

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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

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13 hours ago, ducky88 said:

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

try again... Homo habilis before homo erectus and homo sapiens.. when they learned to use stones and sticks.

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A wife was in bed with her lover, when she heard her husband’s key in the door.
“Stay where you are,” she said.
“He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”


The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
He turned to his wife:
“Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”


“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife.
Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.


The husband climbed out of bed and counted.
One, two, three, four. Damn, you’re right.

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m2bp379m7zd91.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&a

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22.jpg

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How my girlfriend ‘handled’ a spider, and is too scared to clean it up.

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A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.


The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"


The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."


"How?" asks the man, puzzled.


"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."
 

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On 7/26/2022 at 4:26 PM, aum said:

Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6 come out before 1, 2, and 3?


In charge of the release dates, Yoda was.
 

actually 4 5 and 6 where made before 1 2 and 3.., as 4 5 6 where the original movies.. 123 where prequels..

4 which was no.1 was made in 1975.. 5 and 6 followed.. then some bright spark decided to move 1.2.3 forward and have a
who was darth vader before he became and how did he become.. so 1 was created when he was a boy.. followed by 2 attacks of the clones.,

and then 3.

when luke kills vader in 4? or was it 5?... when he finds out SPOILER.. and then the new actor in 1 is replaced at the party scene..

would be funny to see all the actors standing next to each other.. and for LUKE to say the young actor to his left/right is his father in the movie.
 

18 hours ago, Karlston said:

22.jpg

wonder if it comes out the same colour as it goes in.

 

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the surfer guy down at the local beach got a pet llama

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What exactly am I supposed to do here?

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2 hours ago, Karlston said:

the surfer guy down at the local beach got a pet llama

wr5z148kzbe91.png?width=640&crop=smart&a

Strange. I thought he was the surfer guy...

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On 7/26/2022 at 7:51 PM, Karlston said:

m2bp379m7zd91.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&a

 

ciL1SRd.jpg

 

Our zootherapist put this last halloween on her yard.

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4.jpg

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I bought a new toilet brush, but it was missing something. So, I fixed it.

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24.jpg

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A priest and an astronomer find themselves sitting together on a night flight.

 

After introductions and a long gaze out the window, the astronomer asks the priest, "Can't all religions be summed up by stating the Golden Rule?"

 

The priest pauses a bit and asks the astronomer, "Can't all astronomy be summed up by singing ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’?”
 

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