Karlston Posted July 19, 2022 Share Posted July 19, 2022 This is how hot it is in Texas… aum, lurch234 and ducky88 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted July 20, 2022 Share Posted July 20, 2022 An artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her. She pushed him away. “Maybe your other models let you kiss them,” she said “but I’m not that kind!” “Actually, I’ve never tried to kiss a model before,” he protested. “Really?” she said, softening. “Well, how many models have there been?” “Four so far,” he replied, thinking back. “a jug, two apples and a vase!!” aum, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 20, 2022 Share Posted July 20, 2022 Q: What's the name of the Greek god of humor? A: Hilarios. ducky88, Karlston and Disco Bob 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted July 20, 2022 Share Posted July 20, 2022 It's not fake. Really! Spoiler TrojanK, Karlston, funkyy and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 20, 2022 Share Posted July 20, 2022 My husband is in the process of redoing our lawn. He recently began killing off all our grass. I didn’t want our neighbors to think we were neglectful homeowners, so I made a sign… lurch234, ducky88, Disco Bob and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Bob Posted July 20, 2022 Share Posted July 20, 2022 I don’t remember the phrase “Anything you say will be used against you” in my wedding vows. Archimede, aum, ducky88 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted July 21, 2022 Share Posted July 21, 2022 (edited) Edited July 24, 2022 by Dce3480 Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 21, 2022 Share Posted July 21, 2022 Husband and wife were having a discussion about their in-laws. The wife declares that she "hates" her in-laws. The husband replies, "I like your mother-in-law more than I like mine!" lurch234, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 21, 2022 Share Posted July 21, 2022 Karlston, ducky88, TrojanK and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 21, 2022 Share Posted July 21, 2022 Karlston, TrojanK, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 21, 2022 Share Posted July 21, 2022 I had an interesting start to my day funkyy, aum, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 21, 2022 Share Posted July 21, 2022 YO MAMA Matrix, funkyy, aum and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 22, 2022 Share Posted July 22, 2022 One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Bill. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well." Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, "Can I borrow your dog?" To which the man replied, "Get in line." vitorio, TrojanK, ducky88 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted July 22, 2022 Share Posted July 22, 2022 One day Aunt Carol, an atheist, dies. Gathered around her at the funeral home everyone had the same comment: "Such a shame being all dressed up and no where to go..." Karlston, ducky88 and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 22, 2022 Share Posted July 22, 2022 it can do WHAT??? aum, ducky88 and lurch234 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 22, 2022 Share Posted July 22, 2022 aum, lurch234 and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted July 23, 2022 Share Posted July 23, 2022 Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex. The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face. The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen. The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom. The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you" The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone. And Last, but not least.... The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself. lurch234, aum, debebee and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 23, 2022 Share Posted July 23, 2022 Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything. funkyy, Homer Simpsom, lurch234 and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 23, 2022 Share Posted July 23, 2022 Browsing Jokes on Nsaneforums ducky88, lurch234 and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 23, 2022 Share Posted July 23, 2022 Take Action TrojanK, ducky88, lurch234 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted July 23, 2022 Share Posted July 23, 2022 12 minutes ago, aum said: Browsing Jokes on Nsaneforums Jalaffa would've loved this Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 23, 2022 Share Posted July 23, 2022 lurch234, ducky88, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 23, 2022 Share Posted July 23, 2022 Keep Off My Property funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 23, 2022 Share Posted July 23, 2022 TrojanK, lurch234, funkyy and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 24, 2022 Share Posted July 24, 2022 (edited) A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several boxes of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed. At his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church. Jack, Paul, and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles, but he had serious doubts about Louie, a local farmer who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louis stuttered badly, but not wanting to discourage Louis, the minister decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday. Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?" Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church." "Fine job, Jack!" The minister said, shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the church is indebted to you. "Turning to Paul the pastor said, "Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the church last week?" Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church and $280 I collected." The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you. "Apprehensively, the minister said to Louie, "Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles this week?" Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the minister exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door-to-door, in just one week?" Louie just nodded. "That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could." "Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie." Louie shrugged. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered. Impatiently, Peter interrupted "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!" "A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible F-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-youj-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you?" Edited July 24, 2022 by aum ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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