aum Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were heavily laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness of the line. When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!" "Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom you have here, you'll be home in no time." Karlston, ducky88 and Homer Simpsom 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Karlston Posted July 13, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted July 13, 2022 The get well basket my wife made me for my vasectomy today Disco Bob, TrojanK, byntf and 4 others 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 Entrance of a parking garage at one of the top 10 tech universities in the country. Just a reminder, no matter how educated, experienced, or qualified you are, you can still be an absolute moron. Stay humble. aum and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed. The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo." ducky88, Disco Bob, Archimede and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 My local reptile store having some fun funkyy, aum and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 Karlston, scarabou and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 scarabou, Archimede, Karlston and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 ducky88, scarabou and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 respect to the Amazon worker who quietly delivered my napping friend's package ducky88 and aum 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 A young couple had neighbors who were senior citizens, the husband around 80 years old, and the wife about 5 years younger. The young couple were very fond of the elderly couple and made it a point to visit them and have coffee with them every Sunday. They observed that the old lady would bring the coffee bottle to her husband to be opened, every time. The thoughtful young man gifted the lady a gadget, without her husband’s knowledge, to easily open the bottle, and showed her how to use it. On their next visit, the old lady once again brought the bottle for her husband to open! The young couple was amazed! Had she forgotten about the gadget? When the opportunity arose to be alone with the old lady, they quizzed her about this. Her reply made them speechless. She said: “Oh, I can open the bottle myself, even without your gadget! But I get him to open it so he feels he is still stronger than I am and thus the man of our home that he remains useful to me as always; that I still depend on him; that togetherness is the main ingredient of any marriage. we don’t have many more years of life in us, and togetherness is of utmost importance!” Moral: Never underestimate the wisdom of the elderly. Our parents/grandparents may not be bringing in money any longer, but their guidance alone is priceless. You may have a fruitless tree in your garden, but at least it gives you shade. You will not cut it off, now, will you? Looking after the elderly and sick should be looked upon as a blessing! ducky88, kaloo1995, TrojanK and 3 others 4 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 (edited) Edited July 20, 2022 by Dce3480 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 My local Burger King funkyy, aum and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 A Handy Bit of First Aid Two cowboys from Texas walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar drinking their beers and quietly talking about cattle prices. Suddenly a woman at a table behind them, who had been eating a sandwich,begins to cough. After a minute or so it becomes apparent that she is in real distress, and the cowboys turn to look at her. "Kin ya swaller?" asks one of the cowboys. No, the woman shakes her head. "Kin ya breathe?" asks the other. The woman, beginning to turn a bit blue, shakes her head no again. The first cowboy walks over to her, lifts up the back of her skirt, yanks down her panties, and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back. This shocks the woman into a violent spasm, the obstruction flies out of her mouth and she begins to breathe again. The cowboy walks back over to the bar and takes a drink of his beer. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick Maneuver, but, I never seen anybody do it before." aum, Archimede and Homer Simpsom 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 An interim school superintendent, speaking at a city-wide PTA luncheon, assured members that he was always happy to hear from them about problems. He told them, "You can call me day or night, at this number." Suddenly there was a cry from the assistant superintendent. "Hey," he exclaimed, "that's my number!" ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Bob Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 I asked my barber which cut would make me look more handsome ?. A power cut wasn't the answer I was expecting ! aum, ducky88, TrojanK and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 aum, funkyy, Disco Bob and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 A guy calls the hospital and a nurse answers the phone. The guy said, "Send in help because my wife is going into labor." The nurse said, "Is this her first child?" The guy replied, "No, this is her husband." ducky88, TrojanK, funkyy and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench. Ethel said, “You know, Mabel, I’ve been reading this ‘S*x and Marriage’ book and all they talk about is ‘mutual org@sm’. ‘Mutual org@sm’ here and mutual org@sm’ there – that’s all they talk about. Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have a mutual org@sm?”. Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said, “No, I think we had State Farm." andy2004 and ducky88 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andy2004 Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 wonder if they knew the streak.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andy2004 Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 On 7/16/2022 at 11:03 PM, Karlston said: My local Burger King looks like the birds have already started on your car. Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 lurch234, aum and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Karlston Posted July 18, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2022 Disco Bob, ducky88, aum and 4 others 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 19, 2022 Share Posted July 19, 2022 What to do in London heat lurch234, aum, ducky88 and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.