aum Posted June 25, 2022 Share Posted June 25, 2022 Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why's the groom wearing black?" funkyy, Lexionline, ducky88 and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 25, 2022 Share Posted June 25, 2022 funkyy, ducky88 and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted June 26, 2022 Share Posted June 26, 2022 Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 26, 2022 Share Posted June 26, 2022 TrojanK, ducky88 and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted June 27, 2022 Share Posted June 27, 2022 You Can’t Teach an Old Dog to Fly A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. “Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over. The customer was flummoxed: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow! aum and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 27, 2022 Share Posted June 27, 2022 An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”. The four men didn’t wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. The moral of the story? If you’re going to have a senior moment, make it memorable. ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 27, 2022 Share Posted June 27, 2022 funkyy, Rainmaker, aum and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 28, 2022 Share Posted June 28, 2022 I went to see my doctor this morning. “Some one decided to graffiti my house last night!” I raged. “So why are you telling me?” the doctor asked. “I can't understand the writing,” I replied. “Was it you?” ducky88, Karlston and TrojanK 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 28, 2022 Share Posted June 28, 2022 A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "She did," he replied. "But where in the world was I gonna find a fake Jeep?" funkyy, Archimede, ducky88 and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rainmaker Posted June 28, 2022 Share Posted June 28, 2022 // R aum, ducky88, TrojanK and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 28, 2022 Share Posted June 28, 2022 aum and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 28, 2022 Share Posted June 28, 2022 aum, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 29, 2022 Share Posted June 29, 2022 TrojanK, ducky88, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 ducky88, aum, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter. "My dog is so smart," says the first owner, "that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee." "I know," says the second owner. "How do you know?" "My dog told me." Karlston, TrojanK and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andy2004 Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 On 6/27/2022 at 8:30 PM, Karlston said: to bad that by the end of this year.. everybody will have this sign on their gate.. due to the cost of living increases Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied. "Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed. "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it." Karlston, lurch234 and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Tao: Stuff happens. Catholicism: If stuff happens, you deserved it. Protestantism: Let stuff happen to somebody else. Judasim: Why does stuff always happen to us? Islam: Stuff happens according to the will of Allah. Buddhism: The stuff is an illusion. Zen: What is the sound of stuff happening? Hinduism: This stuff happened before. Mormonism: This stuff should multiply. Baha'i Faith: Stuff happens in a progressive manner. Agnosticism: I'm not sure about this stuff. Atheism: That stuff about the stuff is all just made up stuff. Jonestown: Forget about the stuff and just drink the Kool-Aid. Karlston, funkyy, kaloo1995 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Little Johnny, 6 years old, gets home from school. He had his first family planning lesson at school. His mother, is very interested and she asks, “How did it go?” “I died of shame”, he answers: Annie from over the road, says that the stork brings babies. Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage. Timmy in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital. His mother answers laughingly, "But that’s no reason to be ashamed?” “No, but I can’t tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!” ducky88, Karlston, lurch234 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Bob Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 So much has changed since my wife told me we’re having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number! lurch234, ducky88, funkyy and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 I bought a vacuum sealer and have exactly 0 self control ducky88 and andy2004 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andy2004 Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 bar joke.. i've edited the picture.. cause the entry point and i'm sure you dont want to see his "johnson" ... the expression new balls please springs to mind. was browsing the web when i came across it on a PICTURE SITE.. tears to my eyes.. Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother. She said, "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 A man goes to the movie theater with his duck. The ticket agent looks at the man and then at the duck, which is on a leash. The ticket agent states that the duck is not permitted in the theater. The man explains that the duck is his service pet. However, because he didn’t have his service pet certification on him, the duck wasn’t allowed in. The man then goes to the side of the theater and stuffs the duck down the front of his pants. With no duck to be seen, the ticket agent allows the man in. The theater was packed and the man ends up sitting next to two ladies. About twenty minutes into the movie the duck was getting uncomfortable and hot so the man unzips his pants to let the duck breath. The duck sticks out his head and starts looking around. One lady nudges the other lady and exclaims, “Hey, this guy next to me just unzipped his pants.” The lady furthest away says, “Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all”. The other lady replies, “Yes, that’s what I thought, but this one’s eating my popcorn”. Karlston, ducky88, Disco Bob and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andy2004 Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 God "if you believe in it" playing the cruelist of jokes.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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