Akaneharuka Posted June 17, 2022 Share Posted June 17, 2022 vitorio, ducky88, funkyy and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rainmaker Posted June 17, 2022 Share Posted June 17, 2022 // R Karlston, aum and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 17, 2022 Share Posted June 17, 2022 A lady went to a psychiatrist complaining of a terrible phobia. “Every time I lay down on my bed I get this terrible fear that there is something underneath.” “Wow” responded the psychiatrist in amazement. “I’ve never heard of such a phobia, but like all phobias it can be treated, but it will likely take around 20 sessions.” OK” responded the lady “how much is each session?” “Oh it’s just $80 a session, but trust me it’s well worth it.” When the lady didn’t come back to the psychiatrist he gave the lady a call. “How come I didn’t hear from you?” He asked. “Well” responded the lady “when I came home and told my husband about the cost he thought he would save some money and just cut the legs off the bed!” Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 17, 2022 Share Posted June 17, 2022 Akaneharuka, funkyy, aum and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 17, 2022 Share Posted June 17, 2022 aum, TrojanK, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 18, 2022 Share Posted June 18, 2022 Boss: Congratulations! I'm promoting you to manage our Montreal office! Young man (disappointed): But sir! There's nothing up there but bar girls and hockey players. Boss (now insulted): I'll have you know that my mother is from Montreal! Young man (thinking fast): No kidding? What hockey team did she play on? Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 18, 2022 Share Posted June 18, 2022 The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!" ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 18, 2022 Share Posted June 18, 2022 Little Sonia was shouting her prayers. "Please God send me a new doll for my birthday." Her mother, overhearing this, said, "Don't shout dear, God isn't deaf." "No, but Grandad is, and he's in the next room," Sonia replied. Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted June 18, 2022 Share Posted June 18, 2022 A salty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am," was his reply. "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, "I should hope not ma'am, it's only 2130 now." funkyy, Karlston, leapinlizards and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 18, 2022 Share Posted June 18, 2022 ducky88, aum and Akaneharuka 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 19, 2022 Share Posted June 19, 2022 funkyy, aum and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 19, 2022 Share Posted June 19, 2022 funkyy, aum and ducky88 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted June 20, 2022 Share Posted June 20, 2022 Once upon a time there lived a King. The King had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS.. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; Metal, Wood, Stone, Anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.' The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth... THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE. The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the Princess,' Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.' The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The King was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after. Question: What was in the Prince's pants? M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. aum and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 20, 2022 Share Posted June 20, 2022 A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl." ducky88 and andy2004 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted June 20, 2022 Share Posted June 20, 2022 Karlston, TrojanK, funkyy and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 20, 2022 Share Posted June 20, 2022 ducky88, aum and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 21, 2022 Share Posted June 21, 2022 aum, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 21, 2022 Share Posted June 21, 2022 Got a new seat cover ducky88, funkyy, kyber and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs. The waiter, suspecting that they’ve run out, goes back to question the chef. “Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?” Gus replies, “I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left.” The waiter says, “Give him the rotten eggs. He’s so bombed he won’t know the difference.” Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast. The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment. He goes to pay the cashier and asks, “Where’d you get those eggs?” She replies, “We have our own chicken farm.” The drunk asks, “Do you have a rooster? “No,” she says. The drunk replies, “Well, you’d better get one, because some skunk is scr*wing your chickens.” Karlston, andy2004 and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 TrojanK, funkyy, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted June 23, 2022 Share Posted June 23, 2022 Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Paddy, you realize you’ve got sugar diabetes.” Paddy says, “Nice one, when do I fight him?” Karlston, funkyy and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 23, 2022 Share Posted June 23, 2022 ducky88, TrojanK, aum and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 24, 2022 Share Posted June 24, 2022 I finally quit drinking for good. Now I'm just gonna drink for evil. Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted June 24, 2022 Share Posted June 24, 2022 God asks asks Adam how he's doing, - "Well, it's OK but I am a bit lonely". "OK" God answers. "Let's do something about it. I can give you the most wonderful and satisfactory being and friend you'll ever need you'll never be lonely again, and you'll have everything you ever need". "But it means I need your arm and leg to create that being". Adam ponders and isn't willing to sacrifice his arm and leg. "OK" God says again. "With only your leg, I can make a nice and welcoming partner for you, giving you no grief only happiness" Adam ponders again; he is rather lonely but really wants his leg. "What can I get for one of my rib bones?" Adam finally replies ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted June 24, 2022 Share Posted June 24, 2022 Lexionline, ducky88 and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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