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Simple Errors


Zeus_Hunt

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The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in

Sunday school quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade, in Ohio. They

were collected over a period of three years by two teachers. Read carefully

for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and of course, spelling!

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Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all

wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the

Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

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Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread,

which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide

to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but his

commandos made it.

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Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was an

actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he

was sort of busy too.

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The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't

have history.

The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.

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Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people

advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which

is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic

decline.

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In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and

threw the java.

The games were messier then than they show on TV now.

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Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of

March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying,

he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus."

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A few more

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for

reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have

problems.

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Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a success. When

she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and that

was the end of the fighting for a long while.

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It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented

removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the

circulation of blood.

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Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and

started smoking.

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Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper which was

very dangerous to all his men.

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The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born

in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and

is famous only because of his plays.

He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.

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Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote

Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise

Lost. Since then no one ever found it.

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Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas

Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the

Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two

cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot

stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still

dead.

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Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's Mother died

in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own

hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation

Proclamation.

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On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got Shot in

his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the

assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined

Booth's career.

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Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number

of children.

In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic.

Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in

the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half

English. He was very large.

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Bethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote

loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long walks in

the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in

1827 and later died for this.

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The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions.

People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The

invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.

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Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a

hundred men.

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Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why.

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Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species. It was

very long and people got upset about it and had trials to see if it was

really true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24 hours but without

watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.

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Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she did.

Other women have become scientists since her but they didn't get to find

radios because they were already taken.

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Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the movies.

Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the family had to

have a job, I guess.

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SliverSamuel

funnie... ;)

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