Zeus_Hunt Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and inSunday school quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade, in Ohio. They were collected over a period of three years by two teachers. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and of course, spelling! ----------------------------------------------------Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who allwrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.----------------------------------------------------Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread,which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but hiscommandos made it.----------------------------------------------------Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was an actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like hewas sort of busy too.----------------------------------------------------The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history.The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.----------------------------------------------------Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving peopleadvice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock whichis apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramaticdecline.---------------------------------------------------- In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, andthrew the java.The games were messier then than they show on TV now.---------------------------------------------------- Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides ofMarch murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying,he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus."---------------------------------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeus_Hunt Posted August 5, 2005 Author Share Posted August 5, 2005 A few moreJoan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw forreasons I don't really understand. The English and French still haveproblems.----------------------------------------------------Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a success. Whenshe exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and that was the end of the fighting for a long while.----------------------------------------------------It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg inventedremovable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.----------------------------------------------------Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes andstarted smoking.---------------------------------------------------- Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper which wasvery dangerous to all his men.----------------------------------------------------The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money andis famous only because of his plays.He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.---------------------------------------------------- Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wroteDonkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote ParadiseLost. Since then no one ever found it.---------------------------------------------------- Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. ThomasJefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of theDeclaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannotstand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is stilldead.---------------------------------------------------- Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's Mother diedin infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his ownhands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.----------------------------------------------------On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got Shot inhis seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruinedBooth's career.----------------------------------------------------Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children.In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic.Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer inthe world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.----------------------------------------------------Bethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wroteloud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in1827 and later died for this.----------------------------------------------------The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. Theinvention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.----------------------------------------------------Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.----------------------------------------------------Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why.----------------------------------------------------Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species. It was very long and people got upset about it and had trials to see if it wasreally true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24 hours but withoutwatches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.---------------------------------------------------- Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she did.Other women have become scientists since her but they didn't get to findradios because they were already taken.---------------------------------------------------- Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the movies.Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the family had tohave a job, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudeboy2025 Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 :D :lol: :blush: :D :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erRor67 Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 omfg.... those are so damn great.. And I thought I was bad in history. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SliverSamuel Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 funnie... ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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