Sensible, honest and worth-while thoughts MINDGAMES

[Atasas]

http://www.ericberne.com/Games_People_Play.htm

Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships

What is Games People Play?

Games People Play is the bestselling book by psychiatrist Dr. Eric Berne that uncovered the dynamics of human relationships. Since its publication in 1964 to the newly released and updated 40th anniversary edition, over 5 million copies have been sold worldwide in over ten languages. The book remains immensely popular and has recently experienced a huge increase in sales due to renewed interest.

The book Games People Play represents many things to many people. One modern critic said:

"Games People Play is now widely recognized as the most original and influential popular psychology book of our time. It’s as powerful and eye-opening as ever."

The famous author Kurt Vonnegut Jr. said of Games People Play:

"An important book . . . a brilliant, amusing, and clear catalogue of the psychological theatricals that human beings play over and over again. The good Doctor has provided story lines that hacks will not exhaust in the next 10,000 years"

Students of Dr. Berne used Games People Play as a springboard to publish their own works, such as Dr. Thomas A. Harris, author of I'm OK - You're OK and Claude Steiner, author of Scripts People Live. These individuals, as well as others inspired by Dr. Berne, used Transactional Analysis and the ideas within Games People Play to further uncover the dynamics of human relationships.

But to many others, the ideas presented within Games People Play provided a deeper understanding of their sown ocial interactions as well as their motives in these transactions. One reader wrote:

"Many times in my life, I was placed in social situations that left me feeling so depleted afterwards and I could not exactly grasp why this was happening. When I read Games People Play, I started to understand how many people play these games that end up making me feel used and hopeless. After a year or so, I also began realizing that I play some of these games myself... This is when I really decided to change my life. I began living with a new awareness of the behaviors of not only others but my own as well!"

Perhaps the greatest contribution of Games People Play is the story listed above. With over 5 million copies sold, millions of individuals and couples across the world have used Berne's techniques to identify and solve their problems.

What are the games in Games People Play?

In Games People Play, Berne defined games as:

"A game is an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome. Descriptively, it is a recurring set of transactions... with a concealed motivation... or gimmick."

To re-state Berne's definition, one can think of a game as a series of interactions (words, body language, facial expressions, etc.) between two or more people that follow a predictable pattern. The interactions ultimately progress to an outcome in which one individual obtains a "payoff" or "goal." In most cases, the participants of the games are unaware that they are "playing."

The first game that Berne introduces in Games People Play is "If It Weren't For You" or IWFY. Berne uses this game as an example to explain all types of games. Berne writes:

Mrs. White complained that her husband severely restricted her social activities, so that she had never learned to dance. Due to changes in her attitude brought about psychiatric treatment, her husband became less sure of himself and more indulgent. Mrs. White was then free to enlarge the scope of her activities. She signed up for dancing classes, and then discovered to her despair that she had a morbid hear of dance floors and had to abandon this project.

This unfortunate adventure, along with similar ones, laid out some important aspects of her marriage. Out of her many suitors, she had picked a domineering man for a husband. She was then in a position to complain that she could do all sorts of things "it if weren't for you." Many of her woman friends had domineering husbands, and when they met for their morning coffee, they spent a good deal of time playing "If It Weren't For Him."

As it turned out, however, contrary to her complaints, her husband was performing a very real service for her by forbidding her to do something she was deeply afraid of, and by preventing her, in fact, from even becoming aware of her fears. This was one reason... [she] had chosen such a husband.

His prohibitions and her complaints frequently led to quarrels, so that their sex life was seriously impaired. She and her husband had little in common besides their household worries and the children, so that their quarrels stood out as important events.

Berne goes on to devote nearly ten more pages to IWFY in Games People Play. For the sake of brevity, only the most relevant points will be discussed here. Berne's complete analysis of IWFY and many other games can be found in Games People Play.

Both Mr. and Mrs. White are participating in a game; they are not consciously aware of their active participation. As with any game, at least one party must achieve a "payoff" for the game to proceed. In this game, Mrs. White, and to a lesser degree Mr. White achieve their respective payoffs. In Mr. White's case, by restricting Mrs. White's activities, he can retain the role of domineering husband, which provides him comfort when things do not necessarily go his way.

Mrs. White obtains her payoff at many levels. On the psychological level, the restrictions imposed by Mr. White prevent Mrs. White from experiencing neurotic fears or being placed in phobic situations. By having Mr. White prevent her from being placed in these situations, Mrs. White does not have to acknowledge (or even be aware of) her fears. On the social level, Mrs. White's payoff is that she can say "if it weren't for you." This helps to structure the time she must spend with her husband, as well as the time spent without him. In addition, it allows her to say "if it weren't for him" with friends.

As with any game, it comes to an abrupt end when one player decides (usually unconsciously) to stop playing. If instead, Mr. White said "Go ahead" instead of "Don't you dare", Mrs. White loses her payoff. She can no longer say "if it weren't for you" and then must go out and confront her fears. By continuing to play this game, each participant receives his or her payoff, but the price is a marriage with serious problems.

IWFY, like most other games, when perpetuated, can lead to adverse effects. Identification of the game is the first step. Once the player(s) recognize they are playing a game, efforts can be made to improve upon the problem. This is the basis of Transactional Analysis Therapy.

I shall say, there are groups of people, that do have natural desire/ability and necessity to play those "mind-games", somehow they do not achieve much due to the fact of such being obvious. Some do play it well (without being noticed) but I believe it is documented and mid-management strategy.

OK so the point of games would be to create environment acceptable by you, achieve cooperation and best results from others by being straight and honest :frusty:

dont believe such works either...