My Boss & Me

[*dcs18]

Boss:

This year your performance was 'good', 'excellent' and 'outstanding.' So, your rating is 'average.'

dcs18:

What? How come 'average?'

Boss:

Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

dcs18:

But last year saying that I'm a domain expert you transferred me onto this project as a 'Domain Consultant.'

Boss:

Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

dcs18:

What???

Boss:

Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

dcs18:

Why would I? I'm not into 'Purchasing,' I'm into 'Manufacturing.'

Boss:

This is what I don't like about you. You give an excuse for everything.

dcs18:

Huh?

Boss:

Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

dcs18:

Like what? I'm the one who trained the team on 'Business Communication,' you yourself were present in the audience taking notes, if you remember.

Boss:

Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

dcs18:

Huh? What the hell is that?

Boss:

See! That's why you need to learn about it.

dcs18:

Boss:

Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited quit within 2 months.

dcs18:

Well, not my mistake. You told them you wished to have a one-to-one with each one of them to review their code, and caused most to resign the very next day. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Boss:

I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only an 'average' rating.

dcs18:

Last year that same process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why does this Normalization process keep pushing me up and down every year?

Boss:

That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

dcs18:

I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Boss:

Well, we assemble in a large room, write down the names of subordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding.'

dcs18:

What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Boss:

Those are the ones we forget to write down.

dcs18:

What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding?'

Boss:

Oh no, now you've started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

dcs18:

[shought]

Hehe, nice one :D

[DKT27]

:lol:

Now that's a real boss. :P

[jofre]

Nice one, dcs18 !

A good boss like "yours", deserves to enter on Guiness Book and, of couse... a big punch on the nose !!!... :duh: :fight:

[KotaXor]

Mid year assessment is coming......going to use your boss methods.:unsure:

[implague]

yeah boss is always right

but somtimes he must b punched on a nose :ph34r: