Elizabeth Keifer: Let’s make kindness a thing again

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Kindness is an awareness of others. It’s actions that become habits. Children pick up lessons from parents and teachers and (hopefully) society reinforces the rewards of being kind. 

 

Be kind.

 

Kindness matters.

 

Choose kind.

 

 

It’s cool to be kind.

 

Be kind to animals.

 

On billboards, bumper stickers, license plates, memes, and T-shirts we are being asked (even begged) to be kind. Why?

 

Has kindness gone out of style and some want it to come back like bell-bottoms and hand-churned ice cream?

 

Or is rudeness now a legit thing — even something to aspire to?

 

You know I’m just being dramatic because of course hand-churned ice cream has always been made, and bell-bottoms go in and out of style every few years. But undeniably, we are now frequently exposed to the sentiment that we need to be kind, teach kindness, and spread kindness.  It has to be in response to something — and that something does seem to be an I’ll-do-what-I-want-to-do brand of “independence” that translates to many of us as rudeness.

 

Rudeness has always been around and has always been censured by good people, so why is it growing in strength and popularity among so many?

 

What is it about being rude that makes some people feel powerful?

 

Breaking the rules of polite society makes some feel as if they can write their own rules. This feels liberating. “I don’t have to pay attention to the speed limit and I can weave in and out of traffic like I’m in a video game!” “I can speak loudly on my cell phone even in this crowded space!”  “I can throw my garbage in the recycling bin because it’s closer!”  “I can tell off this store clerk even though he didn’t make the store policies!”

 

Yikes.

 

What’s mixed up in being kind is courtesy, compassion, empathy, and a sense of connection to others. I see kindness every day. The man who runs to pick up something someone dropped. The woman in line at Target offering coupons she won’t use to other folks in line. A pre-teen boy who opens the door for me. Random compliments. Smiles from strangers.

 

It’s not that kindness is gone — but is rudeness winning? What do we do to get kindness back on top?

 

The T-shirts and buttons and memes are a great start. We need to be reminded to be kind.  Kindness is an awareness of others. It’s actions that become habits. Children pick up lessons from parents and teachers and (hopefully) society reinforces the rewards of being kind. We remember how lovely kindness feels when we receive it from family, friends, colleagues — and especially strangers. We want to pass it on and give that great feeling to as many people as we can.

 

This is how any significant movement gets the energy to thrive and grow.  People get behind the “Be kind” slogan and get others to join in. We model it every day, even in the smallest gestures, and eventually rudeness starts trending downward and becomes totally uncool.

 

A question that can keep us on track is simply “Am I being kind?” If we use this as a check-in we can decide if telling off the store clerk is worth it — or do we send an email to corporate instead?  “Am I being kind?” can be used as a kindness movement mantra as we use our everyday courteous and compassionate behaviors to stand up to the selfishness and disruption of the rudeness trend.

 

Let’s make kindness cool again.

 

Professor Elizabeth Keifer (Emerita), English/Humanities Department, Tunxis Community College

 

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