Why you get jealous (and how to get over it), explained by a psychologist

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Here's how to keep the green-eyed monster in check.

 

Not to be confused with envy, which is coveting another person’s status or belongings, jealousy – aka the green-eyed monster – is the unpleasant range of feelings you experience when you sense that your relationship with someone is under threat from a third party.

 

Usually, it occurs in a romantic or sexual context – for example, if you see your boyfriend flirting with someone else – but it can also play out in the context of friendships or in family situations.

 

If you experience a lot of jealousy, perhaps worrying that your partner fancies someone else, or you feel an urge to check their text messages for signs of disloyalty, it might be because you have low self-esteem, or because you tend to feel insecure in your relationships (psychologists call this having an anxious-attachment style). There’s also research showing that you’re more likely to feel jealousy toward potential rivals who happen to enjoy the attributes that you most admire or desire.

 

If your jealousy is causing you problems, it’s worth reminding yourself that it’s a normal human emotion – and on the plus side, it shows that you care about your partner or friend. If you share your feelings with them, they might even be touched to know how much they matter to you.

 

If your feelings of jealousy get out of hand and begin to harm your relationship, consider exploring ways to boost your own sense of self-worth and security. By learning to love yourself more, you will likely find that your jealousy naturally fades away.

 

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