True Medical stories.

[karachidude]

True Medical stories

1. A man dashed into the A&E dept. and yelled . . . 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi'.

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, after protests from the lady, I noticed that there were several taxis - - -.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, St. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow

2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. Replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes , St.Thomas's Bath

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.. 'Which one?'. . .. I asked.

'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair , Norfolk General

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?'

After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how was your breakfast this morning?'

'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.' Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon. Bristol Infirmary.

7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation... When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .'Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which read

'Sorry ... had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty , KGH London - Dr. wouldn't submit his name

[DKT27]

Good jokes. :D

I liked the 1st, 2nd and last one the most. :)

[karachidude]

the removing underwear one in the taxi was insane :lol:

[manpe]

Real life produces the best jokes, this is the evidence :afro:

[majithia23]

good ones !

here's one real incident in one of my medico friends hospital ...

his names Jo.

now a friend of Jo , Victor, was posted on a night shift in ward .

the leaving senior medical officer Dr. aman , gave Victor all the patients record and instructed him to take special care of bed 8 , as he was having high grade fever .

he gave him a chit with the instructions ,and left .

next morning , when Dr. aman came and went to bed 8 , to check on him , he was lying in bed upside down , all exhausted and in pain !!!!

Dr. aman "what happened sir ? why are you in pain ? everything all right ? "

Patient " all right ???? what the hell do i know what is all right . the night shift officer has been lubricating my a## and fingering it all night , after every 1 hr. he says he has been instructed to do so and it was for my own benefit . wtf ????? !!!!!

Dr aman ran to Victor and enquired , ' what was he thinking ?'

Victor just produced the chit , which Dr aman had written last night ,and it read . ..." P.R. after every 1 hr ."

Victor to Dr. aman " this is what you said . and i did it ." ( Technically P.R. means ,, Per Rectal,, examination . for examining any disease process in the lower anal canal with your finger !! )

Dr. aman " holy shit !!!! Dr. Victor with P.R. i meant ,,PULSE RATE,, after every 1 hour !!!!!! and not PER RECTAL, that is fingering the patients a## after every 1 hour !! wtf . we are so very screwed !!!! "

:rofl: :lmao:

[karachidude]

lol...wtf...oooo :rofl: :lmao: :lmao:

[DKT27]

Now that's some worse real life experience. :sneaky:

[karachidude]

lol.. :lol: