Wall Street Firm Develops New High-Speed Algorithm...

[humble3d]

Wall Street Firm Develops New High-Speed Algorithm...

...Capable Of Performing Over 10,000 Ethical Violations Per Second

NEW YORK—Calling it a major breakthrough that will significantly expedite and streamline its daily operations, Wall

Street financial firm Goldman Sachs revealed Thursday it has developed a new high-speed algorithm that is capable of

performing more than 10,000 ethical violations per second. “With this new automated program, we’ll be able to

systematically deceive investors, engage in conflicts of interest, and execute thousands of other blatantly

unethical dealings in the time it takes to press a button,” said John Waldron, co-head of Goldman Sachs’ investment

banking division, who added that the high-frequency impropriety system will be able to break more rules in a minute

than an entire floor of morally suspect securities traders, financial analysts, and portfolio managers could over

the course of a week. “In the past, if one of our brokers wanted to exploit a questionably legal regulatory loophole

or breach the covenant of good faith with an investment client, that would require hours of manually contravening

the basic principles of professional integrity. But this innovative system will allow millions of such

transgressions to go through every single day. Going forward, I expect this revolutionary program to be the

cornerstone of our business.”
Upon learning of the advanced new unethical algorithm, investors initiated a buying frenzy on Goldman Sachs stock,

sending share prices surging more than 30 percent to $245.46.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/wall-street-firm-develops-new-highspeed-algorithm,38202/

[CODYQX4]

The onion is a bit too late, it already truly exists.

It's sad, but when they actually do have real server farms that communicate with lasers to trade nanoseconds faster than the next day trader with billions of dollars and the right connection to exploit the stock market, this ceases to be satire really quickly.

That DOW score while the world rots and nothing improves is your telltale sign.

Tell me again how it is good for economic growth and stability when 2 billionaires race each other to exploit the system faster, while providing the average joe the worst price of the day when they invest?

I wish a fucking asteroid hit wall street and they all burned in hell. Every last corrupt billionaire banker and their entire bloodline.

INB4 Watchlist.

Negative interest rates, end of cash, and global financial collapse coming to a nation near you. How else to keep the smoke and mirror theft and FSB going?

[humble3d]

The onion is a bit too late, it already truly exists.

It's sad, but when they actually do have real server farms that communicate with lasers to trade nanoseconds faster than the next day trader with billions of dollars and the right connection to exploit the stock market, this ceases to be satire really quickly.

That DOW score while the world rots and nothing improves is your telltale sign.

Tell me again how it is good for economic growth and stability when 2 billionaires race each other to exploit the system faster, while providing the average joe the worst price of the day when they invest?

I wish a fucking asteroid hit wall street and they all burned in hell. Every last corrupt billionaire banker and their entire bloodline.

INB4 Watchlist.

Negative interest rates, end of cash, and global financial collapse coming to a nation near you. How else to keep the smoke and mirror theft and FSB going?

And you are in The States where a former president wanted to give Social Security to Wall street... :wtf: :rolleyes:

[STEEL]

Hey, we Live in a World where Mamon is King. All the Money in the World can Buy U Worldly Things, but all the Money in Heaven can"t Buy U Nothing. Speaking of NanoTech. Molecular Machines will soon Revolutionize Technology even Self-replicate and - Threaten Terrestrial Life, which Includes These Rich Basterds :P