Win7nerd Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 > And men say women dont know how to care for their cars!! > > > Oil Change instructions for Women: > > 1. Pull up to Dealership when the mileage reaches 5,000 miles since the > last oil change. > > 2. Relax in the waiting room while enjoying a cup of coffee. > > 3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly > maintained vehicle. > > Money spent: > Oil Change:$24.00 > Coffee: Complementary > TOTAL: $24.00 > > > > Oil Change instructions for Men: > > 1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, > filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, and use your debit > card for $50.00. > > 2. Stop to buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home. > > 3. Open a beer and drink it. > > 4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. > > 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. > > 6.. In frustration, open another beer and drink it. > > 7. Place drain pan under engine. > > 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench. > > 9. Give up and use crescent wrench. > > 10. Unscrew drain plug. > > 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. > Cuss. > > 12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw > kitty litter on spilled oil. > > 13. Have another beer while watching oil drain. > > 14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. > > 15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter > and twist off. > > 16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil > everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash > can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. > > 17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to > gasket surface. > > 18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. > > 19. Remember drain plug from step 11. > > 20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. > > 21. Drink beer. > > 22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw > kitty litter on oil spill. > > 23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer. > > 24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily > rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening > drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between > knuckles and frame. > > 25. Begin cussing fit. > > 26. Throw stupid crescent wrench. > > 27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent. > > 28. Beer. > > 29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow. > > 30. Beer. > > 31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. > > 32. Beer. > > 33. Lower truck from jack stands. > > 34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during > any missed steps. > > 35. Beer. > > 36. Test drive truck. > > 37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. > > 38. Truck gets impounded. > > 39. Call loving wife, make bail. > > 40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard. > > Money spent: > Parts: $50.00 > DUI: $2,500.00 > Impound fee: $75.00 > Bail: $1,500.00 > Beer: $20.00 > TOTAL: $4,145.00 > > But you know the job was done right! > > SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH... > AND TO ANY MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT...I'll never change my own oil > again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.