Windoze Quotes

[Bolt_Gundam510]

• "How much do Windows cost, and do you have to buy each one separately?"

• Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"

Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."

Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"

• Tech Support: "Do you have any windows open right now?"

Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's twenty below outside..."

• "I try to avoid using Microsoft. That's why I use MS-DOS."

• Tech Support: "How can I help you?"

Customer: "Well, everything is working fine, but there is one program that is not."

Tech Support: "What program is it?"

Customer: "It's called 'MSDOS Prompt'."

Tech Support: "What's wrong with it?"

Customer: "Well, I click on it, a black screen shows up with NOTHING but a sign that reads: 'C:\WINDOWS>', and it just sits there and doesn't do anything. I have to turn off the system to go back to Windows."

• Customer: "File manager? What's that?"

Tech Support: "How long have you had your computer?"

Customer: "Three years."

• "I have a 386 Pentium."

• "My brother has a 486 with a Pentium chip in it."

• Customer: "The computer told me it had contagious memory. Does it have a virus?"

Tech Support: "No, that is 'contiguous' memory, as in 'sequential'."

Customer: "That is impossible, it said 'contagious'."

Tech Support: "Type 'mem' and hit the 'enter' key."

Customer: "Oh."

• "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

[Glory]

lol some goodies there thanks

[demonon]

You got them from rinkworks?

If not check it out, it has pages full of this stupidities!

http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

My favourite is revenge, here are some:

Customer: "How fast will my COM ports go?"

Tech Support: "How hard can you throw your computer?"

Student: "How do I make a paper longer?"

Consultant: "You write more."

I was interning at a local ISP and every once in a while got to take a tech support call. I probably only took about five at the most. Here's the best one.

Tech Support: "Tech support."

Customer: "Yeah, every time I get on the Internet and leave my computer, I get disconnected."

Tech Support: "How long are you away from your computer?"

Customer: "About 10-20 minutes."

Tech Support: "Sir, if you're idle for more than 15 minutes, we disconnect you."

Customer: "Well don't disconnect me!"

Tech Support: "It's not us, sir -- it's the servers, they do it automatically."

Customer: "Change it, then."

Tech Support: "I can't."

Customer: "Yes you can!"

Tech Support: "Sir, I'm not allowed to."

Customer: "I pay for this service, and dammit, you're going to change it!"

Tech Support: "Sir, I'm not allowed to change it. Bottom line."

Customer: "And why not!?"

Tech Support: "Because I'm not the administrator."

Customer: "Well tell him to change it!"

Tech Support: "I can't do that either. The administrator hates me."

Customer: "Why?"

Tech Support: "Because I won our last Nerf tournament."

Customer: "Nerf tournament?! I pay you guys to play with toys?"

Tech Support: "We do it in our spare time."

Customer: "I want to talk to your supervisor!"

Tech Support: "Sorry, but my supervisor is the administrator, and he's busy."

Customer: "Well, I'm going to rat you out about your little Nerf gun secret!"

Tech Support: "Tell the owner -- it'll give him more of a reason to come down here to play with us."

He hung up.

When working as a computer consultant in college, a co-worker and I were playing around with the NETSEND command in Windows NT. At one point he accidentally sent a message to all the NTs in the lab that said, "Can you see me?" Shortly thereafter, a girl came to our station looking perturbed.

Girl: "Um, my computer is talking to me. It's asking if I can see it."

Co-Worker: "Can you see it?"

Girl: "Yes."

Co-Worker: "Click OK."

We laughed for a good fifteen minutes after that.

One night there was a thunderstorm in the area, and one customer, notorious among the tech support crowd, called:

Customer: "Did you know about the thunderstorm? I heard that I should unplug my computer. Should I do that?"

Tech Support: "In most cases, yes, it is best to at least unplug your phone line. Lightning sometimes causes power surges that can damage your modem."

Customer: "Can it damage other things as well...like the phone?"

Tech Support: "I've never heard of that happening before, but it is a possibility."

Customer: "So do you think that I should unplug the phone from my computer and from all the phones as well?"

Tech Support: (frustrated) "Couldn't hurt."

Customer: "So when can I plug them all back in?"

Tech Support: (really annoyed now) "When the storm is over."

Customer: "How will I know when it's safe, though?"

My face lit up like a Christmas tree, and it was all I could do to keep myself breathing evenly.

Tech Support: "I will call you."

Customer: "Ok! Thank you!"

Customer: "I can't get loaded!"

Tech Support: "Try stronger drinks."

Customer: "I'm sorry. I think I just deleted the Internet!"

Tech Support: "That's ok. We have it backed up here on tape somewhere."

Customer: "I think I broke the Internet!"

Tech Support: "So it was you!"

Customer: (click)

Tech Support: "Sir, something has burned within your power supply."

Customer: "I bet that there is some command that I can put into the AUTOEXEC.BAT that will take care of this."

Tech Support: "There is nothing that software can do to help you with this problem."

Customer: "I know that there is something that I can put in...some command...maybe it should go into the CONFIG.SYS."

Minutes later:

Tech Support: "Ok, I am not supposed to tell anyone this but there is a hidden command in some versions of DOS that you can use. I want you to edit your AUTOEXEC.BAT and add the last line as C:\DOS\NOSMOKE and reboot your computer."

Pause.

Customer: "It is still smoking."

Tech Support: "I guess you'll need to call Microsoft and ask them for a patch for the NOSMOKE.EXE."

Four hours later, he calls back.

Tech Support: "Hello sir, how is your computer?"

Customer: "I called Microsoft and they said that my power supply is incompatible with their NOSMOKE.EXE and that I need to get a new one. I was wondering when I can have that done?"

[Marik]

haha :) quite amusing