Quotes from loveline :lol:

[SliverSamuel]

After a caller had said that he produces the largest load when he’s given a handjob:

DREW: The ultimate mess is the handjob. You know what I mean?

ADAM: Yeah.

KELLY HU (GUEST): Isn’t that what guys use socks for?

ADAM: Yeah. Socks, shirts, pets, whatever. Persian cat, cashmina, whatever’s in the room. Shroud of Turin, tapestries, throw rugs, slipcovers, pillowcases, whatever.

DREW: I wondered why that stuff sort of, you know, never made it through history.

ADAM: A lot of people think that most of the great artifacts were looted in war by Nazi criminals. No, guys beat off on them. That’s a historical fact, Drew, yes? Plus, the paper towel’s about 70 years old. But great artworks—during the Renaissance, guys would mop up with tapestries. Even the occasional mosaic. But that was a little rough, a little rough on the belly. I gotta be honest with you.

GUEST: That explains the little crusty things in the Mona Lisa.

ADAM: Yeah, the Mona Lisa, sure. That’s why she’s not smiling. Showing her teeth, at least. [...]

CALLER: During masturbation, it’s normal amounts too, but when my girl does it, it’s just like—

DREW: Are you more excited?

ADAM: Yeah. You’re more excited.

CALLER: Huh?

ADAM: You’re over yourself.

from 5-5-2003

CALLER: I masturbate one or two times a day, pretty vigorously, you could say, and I use my right hand, and I noticed my penis is starting to curve to the right, and I was wondering if I used my left hand, if it would start to straighten out.

ADAM: No, I think you'll just break it off. Now, what I would do is use my right hand until it went all the way around, came back around to left side. If you got enough slack, I dunno.

from 1-1-2003 (Best of Loveline)

Talking to Serenity, a porn star, about one of her movies that begins with a funeral scene:

"I thought to myself--as I was fast-forwarding through all this nonsense--do not start the porn movie with a funeral! Because I'm trying to wack off. And I don't need this. I had to apologize to my penis. Drew, you know how if there's something horrible on TV, you'll shield your kids' eyes? I had to do that with my penis. My penis was trying to slip through my fingers, and say 'Hey, hey, what's going on,' and I had to say, 'Don't look, don't look, somebody just died.'"

Talking more with Serenity:

SERENITY: Even if you took out the sex, our movies would still be enjoyable.

ADAM: Except they'd be nine minutes long.

Talking to a 14-year-old male caller:

CALLER: When I masturbate, my arm cramps up.

ADAM: Which arm? The business arm, or the magazine arm?

CALLER: My boyfriend masturbates at least once a day, every day. I don't know WHY he's doing that.

ADAM: Uhh, it feels good? CALLER: Whenever I masturbate, right when I climax, I have this moment of clarity, and all of life's problems become easily solved for me. Can you give me some sort of reconfirmation to say that this is okay?

DREW: No. Not to say that you can't have interesting experiences in your brain chemistry upon orgasm, but it's ridiculous to actually then think that you've reached some sort of satori plateau where you see life's secrets explained and laid out in great detail.

ADAM: For me, it's the only time when I can do long division. For that 2.5 seconds, I'll try to hammer out a budget for the month. To a male caller:

CALLER: I haven't masturbated in six days.

ADAM: Why? What's going on? Were you incarcerated, or something?

CALLER: No, I've just been working a lot, doing schoolwork--

ADAM: Listen, there's NO EXCUSE, whatsoever. You've been shirkin' on your jerkin'! Drew, write that one down.

Talking to a 15-year-old male caller:

ADAM: How many times a day do you masturbate?

CALLER: Once a day.

ADAM: That's not that much, for 15. Are you a morning or an evening man?

CALLER: Evening.

ADAM: Yeah. It gives you something to look forward to. Otherwise you just crawl back into bed. How long does it take to complete the mission?

CALLER: Five to ten minutes.

ADAM: One commercial break during "Baywatch"?

Talking to a girl who somehow manages to masturbate without her hands in the bathroom because she's religious:

"So, really, you only masturbated on a technicality. It's like, 'Look God, no hands!'"

CALLER: My boyfriend and I have sex maybe 3 or 4 times a month, but he masturbates about 30 to 60 times a month.

ADAM: Wow! What did you do, install a jack-o-meter in the hamper?

CALLER: Well, he leaves the evidence behind pretty blatantly.

ADAM: What kind of evidence?

CALLER: Well, THE evidence.

ADAM: Like what, your initials? About masturbation:

ADAM: This has been going on for a long time, since the cavemen. I'm guessing it came long before the wheel, or fire. Do you know what I'm saying, Drew? As soon as early man realized that he liked sex, he probably found a way to masturbate.

DREW: Probably the non-alpha males were doing most of it.

ADAM: Yeah, I think those were the Carollas! It must've been a tough couple-thousand years. No laundry, no hamper...no shower! Could you imagine that? How could you fake it? It's like, "Tobar, you've been in the waterfall for over forty-five minutes now! What are you doing in there?"

Talking to "Candy," a 19-year-old female caller who is bothered by the fact that her boyfriend masturbates:

DREW: Did you know that virtually 100% of males his age masturbate?

CANDY: Really?

DREW: Yes. It's not just Adam. To say "he's 19 and a male" is synonymous with "he masturbates."

ADAM: The funny part is when she starts spinning out, and he starts lying. It's like, "Uhh, I did it once at camp, but I didn't like it, so I swore never to do it again." I gotta tell you what this is equivalent to. It's as if he walked into the bathroom, after you laid down a big number two, and went, "Oh my god! You crap? This is horrible! Oh no! It's disgusting! I'm never going to look at you the same again!" But your answer would be, "Hey, it's a biological part of life, and every other 19-year-old girl does it, so get over it."

CALLER: My wife is eight months pregnant, and she has this mucous drip coming out of her that hangs like a booger.

DREW: It's coming out of her vagina?

ADAM: You just added eight minutes to tonight's wack-off session. I hope you're satisfied. That makes a total of eight-and-a-half minutes I'll have to spend on myself. To a 14-year-old guy whose male friend masturbated in front of him:

ADAM: He didn't make you his bitch or anything, right?

CALLER: No.

ADAM: How old is your friend? 27?

CALLER: No. 13.

ADAM: Sounds OK. Just don't go camping with him.

To a caller who cannot reach orgasm by masturbation, but frequently has wet dreams:

DREW: Have you ever had any major injuries?

ADAM: Yeah, like to your right hand?

"When I'm getting oral sex, I like to study the victim--I mean, partner--so I can use the image later on when I masturbate. I figure that it's a great mental picture that I can get a lot of mileage out of." To a caller who didn't like the fact that her boyfriend masturbates:

"You cannot just stop him from masturbating. I'm sure you're not a fan of his breaking wind, but it's not like you can legislate his colon."

"Wet dreams are just God wacking you off. He does it for you if you don't do it yourself. That sperm is gonna come out one way or another." "When you're masturbating, there's no such thing as premature ejaculation. It's called efficiency." Talking with a female caller who can't masturbate:

ADAM: Ann always says to try the tub. Have you tried the tub?

CALLER: No, I'm shaking my head and laughing.

ADAM: YOU may be laughing, but your vagina is smiling.

"I don't trust a man who uses his imagination when masturbating. Not in this day and age of videocassettes." "If you spent as much time on Spanish as you did on your penis when you were 14, you'd speak Spanish fluently." CALLER: I masturbate maybe two or three times a week. Is that a lot?

DREW: Normal.

ADAM: Normal to light.

CALLER: Is there any time I should stop?

DREW: When you feel like it.

ADAM: Ummm, death in the family. You should take a break from masturbation for about a week when there's a death in the family, just out of respect. ADAM: How long can sperm live out in the open air?

DREW: About ten minutes.

ADAM: Wow......it's.....kind of......sad.

DREW: Why?

ADAM: I feel bad now! I can imagine my sperm calling out from my hamper, in little elves voices! "Let us out, Adam! It's dark in here!" To a female caller wondering why guys masturbate:

CALLER: Why masturbate when one can naturally release, in a wet dream?

ADAM: Well, you can not take a dump for years, and eventually you'll soil yourself. But I'd rather pick up a magazine, light a cigarette, and sit back on the can.

DREW: If you masturbate often, your testosterone level goes up and your sperm count goes down.

ADAM: But your comforter's sperm count goes way up, right? CALLER: When I was getting ready to masturbate yesterday, I noticed for the first time that my penis is curved.

ADAM: Yeah, it's like falling in love all over again, isn't it!... I don't get ready to masturbate, I like to sneak up on myself. Today, since it's my birthday, I might even do something special! I might bring out the Producer Ann Hand Puppet! "I urge all our listeners to masturbate. Right now. Because it takes the wind right out of the sex drive. We don't want rapists going into society half-cocked and ready to go. If they masturbate, they'll say, 'Uhh... I think I'll rape tomorrow instead.'" To a caller who asked if masturbation would lower his sperm count:

"Believe me, God knew. He gave us digits on the hand, an arm long enough to reach the genitalia, and the ability to produce 7 billion sperm a day. Plus, he recently invented pornography. No doubt he anticipated that we'd go for the junk."

CALLER: When I masturbate I get a massive headache.

ADAM: I'm guessing it's Mom whacking the back of his head with a baking bowl. I myself have a headache when I DON'T masturbate. "'Doing a geographic'? I thought that was wacking off to naked natives on National Geographic...hey, when you're 14 and all you've got is library material, that's what you do! C'mon Drew, it's good to familiarize yourself with different cultures."

[nsane]

ADAM: How long can sperm live out in the open air?

DREW: About ten minutes.

ADAM: Wow......it's.....kind of......sad.

DREW: Why?

ADAM: I feel bad now! I can imagine my sperm calling out from my hamper, in little elves voices! "Let us out, Adam! It's dark in here!"

"If you spent as much time on Spanish as you did on your penis when you were 14, you'd speak Spanish fluently."

"Believe me, God knew. He gave us digits on the hand, an arm long enough to reach the genitalia, and the ability to produce 7 billion sperm a day. Plus, he recently invented pornography. No doubt he anticipated that we'd go for the junk."

great shit ^ :lol:

[SliverSamuel]

I noe, it's on a lot of national radios in US, lol :lol:

[SliverSamuel]

btw, has anyone heard this radio show?

[nsane]

i haven't heard, don't listen to the radio much anymore. too much talk, not enough music :)

[D0GG]

i haven't heard, don't listen to the radio much anymore. too much talk, not enough music :blush:

No shit... Just like when MTV quit playing music videos all the time and started showing some good shows and stupid reality shows... Then they made MTV2 for just music videos... and now that has shows on it too.

Now they have xm radio for only music... but when I go to wally world and mess with the display radio it never any songs that I like or even ones that I've heard of.

[nsane]

No shit... Just like when MTV quit playing music videos all the time and started showing some good shows and stupid reality shows... Then they made MTV2 for just music videos... and now that has shows on it too.

yeah, then they decide to actually play music during the most akward times (award show, the xbox 360 showing, etc.) :blush:

[SliverSamuel]

i noe, that's i use yahoo launch now :blush: