anger management

[dock98]

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take

it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out

on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten

to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying

'Hello.' I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with

Robyn Carter?' Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the

right f*** ing number!' and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldnt believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down

Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally

transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole !'

and hung up. I wrote his number down with t he word 'asshole' next to

it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was

paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,

'You're an asshole !' It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic asshole

calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the

telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our

Caller ID Program?' He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone. I

quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!'

and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking

spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I

had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been

waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For

Sale sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number .

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had

his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW

asshole, too. I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said, 'Yes, it is..' I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see

it?' He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax ... It's

a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.' I

asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?' He said, 'I'm home

every evening after five.'

I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?' He said, 'Yes?' I

said, 'Don, you're an asshole !'

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when

I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1. He said, 'Hello.'

I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, 'Are

you still there?' I said, 'Yeah.' He screamed, 'Stop calling me!' I

said, 'Make me.' He asked, 'Who are you?' I said, 'My name is Don

Hansen.' He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?' I said, 'Asshole, I live

at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , a yellow house, I have a black

Beamer parked in front.' He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don.

And you had better start saying your prayers.' I said, 'Yeah, like I'm

really scared, asshole,' and hung up.

Then I called Asshole No. 2. He said, 'Hello?' I said, 'Hello,

asshole ..' He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...' I said,

'You'll what?' He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,' I answered, 'Well,

asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived

at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax , and that my gay lover was on his way

over to kill me.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree

Blvd in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax . I got there

just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other

in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded

by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management works.

[shought]

Wonder if you got this out of own experience :)

[dock98]

nope,just email from my hillbilly relatives,although it aint a bad idea.