ponderisms

[dock98]

Ponderisms

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I

learned that most people die of natural causes.

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make

sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant

is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground

easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the

house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive

anyway.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder

these days no one talks about

seeing UFOs like they used to?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world

weird. Now the world is weird

and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest

fire, but it takes a whole box to

start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,

"I think I'll squeeze these

dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken

there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that

comes outta its butt."

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is

there a song about him?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get

undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of

Alphabet Soup?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the

bottle?