[JOTD] Joke of the day

[flash13 17,346]

    

 

 

[Krinal 1,185]

Johnny's Thinking    

 

 One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit.

"Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about.

 

Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple."

The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking."

 

Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy,and colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks.

"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking," the teacher replys.

 

Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."

 

Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it." "Johnny!"

she cries. "That's disgusting!"

"Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"

[PLASMA 2,852]

[Krinal 1,185]

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.

"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." 

"We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." 

"Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"

[Karlston 24,949]

Subtle...

 

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[Krinal 1,185]

TEACHER: Don, what's the chemical formula for water?

DON: H I J K L M N O

TEACHER: What?

DON: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

[Krinal 1,185]

Two Women Meet In Heaven… 

 

1st woman: Hi! My name is Sandra.

2nd woman: Hi! I’m Sylvia. How’d you die? 

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible! 

1st woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. 

1st woman: So, what happened? 

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.  I ran up into the attic and searched,and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds… I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 

1st woman: Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer—we’d both still be alive.

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[Karlston 24,949]

[jbleck 548]

On 9/17/2020 at 9:56 PM, Karlston said:

this MIGHT only be funny for isolated people (Australia, Canada, Siberia, Island, Sicily etc.)... for people who made all the fuss about this thread and rightfully so. this is just sad and retarded...

if you don't get it, don't worry... just wait a few years... it'll either be funny or really sad.

[flash13 17,346]

[Krinal 1,185]

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.

While they were there, the wife passed away.  The undertaker told the husband: "You can have her shipped home for $5,000 or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." 

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

 The undertaker asked: "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" 

The man replied: "Long ago a man died here, was buried here and three days later he rose from the dead."

Shaking his head, he continued: "I just can't take that chance."

[Krinal 1,185]

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. The car broke down. 

 

The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke." 

 

The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."

 

  The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system." 

 

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" 

 

The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."

[Karlston 24,949]

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[Krinal 1,185]

A man goes down on his knees and proposes to her.. Marry Me... and Make me the Happiest Man in the World

Looking bewildered she replied You want Both !!!??

[PLASMA 2,852]

Lost in translation....

[Krinal 1,185]

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

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[Karlston 24,949]

What could possibly go wrong?

 

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[NorthEastKnight 135]

My cats kept chewing on electrical cords, so i had to de-fuse the situation and ground them. They're doing better currently and conducting themselves properly. Potentially, they now have the capacity to show resistance in future. Now that's a load off my mind.

[Krinal 1,185]

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.

The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."

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